The state of Massachusetts just dangled something cool in front of me and Jen and then, much like Lucy with the football, ripped it away from us at the last second.
We both received a Jury Duty summons in the mail today. I opened mine. It was for May 25th. That’s too close to Bellana’s graduation so I knew I’d have to take advantage of my one free change the date option. What did Jen’s say? Hers said May 25th too! How awesome is that! We could go together!
No… wait… Mine is in Lawrence and hers is in Newburyport. While we are given one free date change, we are not giving the option of a location change. I guess we won’t be serving the state justice system together after all.
We both moved the date to November… both on the same day, of course. Still in different courthouses though. Aw, fiddlesticks. Sad face.
My mother passed away on Sunday. On Monday, my brother and sister and I met with the funeral director. He gave us a packet of homework. We need to pick readings and music and some other things related to the funeral service. I didn’t do much on Tuesday or Wednesday. We’ve had some discussions on things over text but nothing concrete from me. I am getting back into the swing of it tonight. We bought a suit for my father on Monday. We’re (Jen and I) going to him tonight to let him try it on. It’s probably not going to fit very well, but hopefully it’s close enough. After that, we’re having a meeting to go over the homework. Speaking as an Atheist, I don’t have a lot of interest in the readings that happen during the mass. I’ll give my $0.02 but I might have more input on the music. There is one song that was played at my grandmother’s funeral that brought my mother to tears. That one will be included. They played it at my Aunt’s funeral a few months ago as well, for exactly the same reason.
It might be a mildly long night tonight. We’ll see. I am working today and need to try and have actual food for dinner at some point. I’ve been so dependent on protein bars and supplements for the last few weeks that I expect my stomach to start rebelling at any moment. I just had eggs for breakfast and I hope to have some chicken for lunch. Dinner… we’ll see.
With all of this going on I am starting to think that my RPM Challenge success streak is in jeopardy. Not that that matters at all. I am, however, about to finish season one, episode three of Star Trek Picard. Maybe I should have been working on some recording instead of watching TV. Forgive me, I am a little screwed up right now. Working on Tuesday and Wednesday was a little tough but the normalcy felt pretty good after the insanity of the last couple of weeks. I’m working from home today and tomorrow and then taking three days of bereavement time on Monday through Wednesday next week. I am allowed to take five days, but I don’t want to. I was even hesitant about taking the third day, but I think it will come in handy, mental health wise.
Okay, it’s time to start getting ready for work. Wish me luck today.
My mother passed away on Sunday afternoon. I might give details someday, but not today. Here is her obituary, copied from the Farmer and Dee Funeral Home website.
Ellen M. (Powers) Parker, age 82, a resident of Tewksbury for over 50 years, passed away at the High Pointe Hospice House in Haverhill on Sunday, February 5, 2023.
She was the beloved wife of Robert J. Parker, Sr. with whom she celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary on July 29, 2022.
Born in Boston on September 26, 1940, she was the daughter of the late John T. Powers and the late Bridget M. (Murphy) Powers.
Ellen was raised in the St. Peter’s Parish neighborhood of Dorchester. She attended local schools and graduated from St. Patrick’s Parochial High School.
In 1969, she and her husband moved to Tewksbury where they raised their three children.
Ellen was an original employee at the Tewksbury location of Calvert’s clothing store where she worked for many years. Prior to her retirement, Ellen was employed by Segue Manufacturing Services in Lowell, where she worked as a bookkeeper.
Ellen was an active communicant, supporter, and former Religious Education (C.C.D.) teacher of St. William’s Parish in Tewksbury.
She enjoyed reading, working as a poll worker for the Tewksbury annual town elections, following her beloved Boston sports teams, as well as volunteering her time to the Tewksbury Music Association as a band parent, as a Camp Fire Girls leader, and Tewksbury Youth Baseball.
Ellen will lovingly be remembered for her devotion to her family, church, and community.
In addition to her husband, Ellen is survived by three children, Lisa E. Desrochers and her husband Ken, of Ayer, Robert J. Parker, Jr. and his wife Jennifer, of Methuen, and John T. Parker and his wife Mary, of North Chelmsford: six grandchildren, Patrick R. and Brian P. Desrochers, Bellana E. and Harry W. Driscoll, and Sarah E. and John T. Parker, Jr. She was the sister of James Powers and his wife Mary, of Abington, Nancy Creed and her husband John, of Kingston, and the late John P. Powers and the late Joan Fasanello and her late husband John. Ellen was the sister-in-law of the late John H. Parker, Jr. She leaves many nieces, nephews, and extended family members.
Calling hours are Monday, February 13th, from 4-8 p.m. at the Farmer & Dee Funeral Home, 16 Lee Street, Tewksbury. Her funeral procession will begin Tuesday, February 14th at 9 a.m. at the funeral home, followed by her Funeral Mass at 10 a.m. at St. William’s Church, 1351 Main Street, Route 38, Tewksbury. Interment will follow at St. Mary Cemetery, 90 River Road, Tewksbury. In lieu of flowers, donations in her memory may be made to the Dementia Society of America at http://www.dementiasociety.org or to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society at http://www.lls.org.
It looked like Mom took a turn for the worse last night. We all rushed over to her again and watched as her breathing got labored and she was moaning and rattling. Visiting hours ended. I could have stayed overnight again but I had to sleep and didn’t want to take up one of the three overnight visiting slots so I went home and went to bed. I slept for nearly eight hours but still feel exhausted. I also thought it was okay to leave because I had a gut feeling…
…and I was right. As the night wore on the breathing became more normal and the rattling almost stopped. She’s back to where she was when I stayed overnight on Friday/Saturday. I have to go back to work. I can’t miss a huge chunk of a third consecutive week. My boss and my boss’ boss both told me it was okay, but I can’t continue to do this for my own reasons. My conscience won’t let me. That means I can’t stay over night during the week either. I just can’t do it anymore.
We had a hospice nurse tell us that parents don’t die in front of their children. They hang on until the kids are out of the room and then go. I don’t believe that is factual at all. Is there anecdotal evidence to support the theory? Yes. Mountains of it. A little internet digging shows that there are zillions of people who claim this happened to them. Is there scientific evidence? Not that I see. I think people attribute cosmic interference to pure coincidence. Having said that, maybe it’s time to give in and embrace the anecdotes. Maybe it’s time to devote less time to the vigil.
I know what I have to do but I fucking hate that I am even considering it. I just want her to be at peace. I want her suffering to end.
Nothing new with my mother. She’s in a dedicated hospice facility and the room is 1000000 times better than her room at Lawrence General. Her breathing is rough. She doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, but it is super tough to listen too.
In other news, we have two cats now.
Robin:
Lily:
Here we see both of them in the same image. What were they doing? They were watching The Bachelor. I mean their eyes were glued to the screen. It was a little unsettling.
I got about an hour of sleep last night after work but before I went over to the hospital. I got maybe 20 minutes of sleep overnight as I was taking the night shift of staying with my mother. When I got home I got maybe another hour of sleep. I punched in to work a little before 1:00 and was almost immediately told that my mother’s doctor is saying she’s coming to the end of the line. He expects that she will go either tonight or tomorrow.
Jen and I are going to go over once we get out of work, which for me is in just a few minutes (I’m leaving early) and for her was still up in the air, but won’t be too long. I am not planning to stay over night again. I just can’t do it. I will be back as soon as I can tomorrow morning though, and I will be available to bring my father back and forth as much as he needs.
The doctor said if we haven’t said our goodbyes yet, we should. I had a moment of clarity from my mother that was all I ever needed. I told her I loved her as I was leaving the ER last Tuesday and she said she loved me too. Given the advanced state of her dementia, that was pretty much the greatest thing that could happen. I am never going to forget that moment. On Friday last week we had another moment where my father and my brother and sister and I were all in the room with her saying goodbye. At that time we all thought the end was upon us and we didn’t realize she was going to hang on for another week… she’s a tough old gal, my mom. I will never forget that moment either.
I will never get a better goodbye than either of those moments. I will hang onto them forever.
Send my mother some happy thoughts tonight, if you would.
Inside the Red Head's Head 