Category: cancer

The Worst Part of Telecommuting

Telecommuting is pretty great. You get to work from home. It’s nice. Covid-19 has put us onto a nine-months-and-counting telecommuting streak, but it’s cool. No traffic. Jeans and sneakers. Able to have dinner with my family every night. Sweet.

There’s only one downside. I’m dealing with it right now.

My wife is on the other side of the house getting caught up on The Mandalorian. She’s down to the last couple of episodes in season one.

The downside of telecommuting is I can hear the TV in the distance but I can’t sit and watch it with her.

I would really like to go watch it with her. I cannot though. I must work. This is the way. Damn it.

Another Long Day

Today was another long day. My mother is still in the hospital and she’s still not handling it well, but she was much better than yesterday. They are trying to figure out her back pain. They found the UTI that was the source of most of her current problems. The also found bursitis in her hip. She had an MRI on her back tonight. No word on the results yet.

Still no word on when she can leave. We were hoping for today but no dice. At least one more day.

Sun downing is a Thing

10 years ago (approximately) when my mother was first diagnosed with cancer we learned about a new thing: Sundowning. It seems for some patients, their behavior changes drastically right around the time the sun goes down. My mother went from strong and confident to mean and whimpering and pretty much impossible to reason with.

It happened again today. Due to Covid-19, she is only allowed one visitor for the duration of her stay. It’s my sister. She gets to the hospital when visiting hours start and leaves when it ends. My father wanted to do it but he can’t handle sitting in those uncomfortable chairs for 12 hours. If he tried we’d be checking him into the hospital too.

So my sister had to take the full brunt of the sundowning. Both barrels, BLAMMO! It was awful. My mother waffled from inconsolable to telling my sister right off. She called my father once and told him that if he doesn’t come and bring her home he must not love her. So yeah, dad took both barrels too.

We know that by morning she’ll be back to her normal self again, but for the night time? It’s just awful.

How Does That Work

So tell me how this works.

My mother was admitted to the hospital because of confusion and memory issues that were caused by a combination of a UTI and dehydration.

While in her room, she complained about pain in her hip. She always has pain in her hip, her back, her legs… everything. A doctor came in to examine her hip and said she has bursitis.

So… are they clear to treat the bursitis even though that’s not what she was admitted for? I mean, yes they are, but from a legal standpoint, are there problems with that?

I just want her to be better and come home.

Oh, and I want the cancer to be gone again.

Still in the Hospital

My mother is still in the hospital. She’s starting to have trouble again. She keeps pleading to go home, but they are looking into where her constant hip pain is coming from. The nurse speculated that she’s going to need another day. This is going to be a bad day. My sister is with her. My brother is with my father. I’m not with anyone. I don’t like feeling useless, but I’m getting pretty good at it.

It’s just a UTI, it’s not the cancer, and it’s not a recurrence of the old cancer. Keep thinking positive. Its bad but it’s not as bad as it could be.

Feelin’ Fine

Everything is okay today. My mother is still in the hospital but she’s improved by leaps and bounds already. Maybe one more day and she’ll be good to go.

There is nothing wrong. There is nothing to be upset about. There is nothing out of whack anywhere in my little sliver of Universe.

Why then do I feel like I’m two heartbeats away from screaming?

What the fuck, bro?

News to Me

Did you know that a UTI can cause changes in behavior under some circumstances? I had no idea. My mother was exhibiting behavior that was unnervingly reminiscent of the first time we went through this. False memories, confusion, all sorts of awful. She had a CT scan and I was stunned that it came back clean. Everything was the same as it was the last time.

Nope, it was just an infection. I wasn’t there, my brother and sister were in the parking lot talking to the doctors on the phone. Apparently when they said they wanted to admit her for the night, my mother lost her shit. She fought against it, really hard. She threatened to walk home. She could barely stand, never mind walk, but she was dead set against it. My father, my brother, and my sister all fought with her and she wasn’t having it. Eventually one of the doctors was able to talk her into it. Thankfully.

So she’s getting treatment for a UTI and a blockage and it’s awful, but hopefully she’s through it and we can get back to worrying about the actual cancer.

Still a Bad Day

Mom is being admitted to the hospital. Today’s issues are not cancer related and that is good. There are physical and behavioral problems today. The diagnosis makes sense to me for the physical stuff but not really for the behavioral. Others in our little circle have more experience with it though and they say it makes sense. The docs do too, and they know more than I do.

I’m not at the hospital. My brother and sister are, but they are riding this out in the parking lot, speaking to the ER staff on the phone. I’m at my parents’ house. I can’t be of use directly, but I can swiffer mop the holy hell out of their bathroom and kitchen. It’s better than nothing, I guess.

Really Bad Day

My mother is having a terrible day. Is it a side effect of chemotherapy? Is it something new? Is it both?

Shit.

She’s on her way to the hospital. My father and my sister went with her but it’s doubtful they’ll get to go to the room with her. One of them, maybe. Both? Probably not.

I don’t know what to do.

Last Night

My mother has a lot of nagging physical issues. Pain, in her back, in her legs, in her hips. Nothing that by itself is a problem, but all combined it makes things tough on her. She sits down until it bothers her, then she walks around until it bothers her, then she sits down… you get the idea.

Yesterday she spent over six hours plugged into an IV to get her first dose of chemo. She was sitting, but when she needed to walk around she couldn’t. By the time the treatment was done she was a mess. Ever since the brain tumor hit nine years ago, she’s had some memory issues and sometimes gets a little confused. The events of the day yesterday made that worse too.

At one point after she got home from the hospital she fell and couldn’t get up. She needed help. After that she was way worse all around. She didn’t seem to hurt herself when she fell, but it just made everything that was already bad worse. We called the doctor and got an on call doc who wasn’t much help. He tried, but he just wasn’t very helpful. Eventually we got a decent set of marching orders, and she was allowed an extra dose of pain meds. It took a few hours but she finally went to sleep. My sister stayed at my parents’ house last night just in case, but nothing happened.

That was treatment number one. I don’t know how many more there will be, but we were told that the following appointments will move much faster than the first one. We’ve got that going for us, I guess.

It’s too soon to tell, but there might be some good news. She hasn’t had any obvious side effects from the chemo yet. She handled this drug the last time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she will this time. So far so good though.

This blows.