NHL First Round Playoff Predictions

The first round of the NHL playoffs kick off tomorrow and I am freakin’ scared. My heroic Boston Bruins ran away with the regular season this year and shattered records left and right. The last time a team did that in the regular season was the Tampa Bay Lightning in 2019. How did they fare in the post season? They were swept in the first round. Yup, Robbie is scared.

Here are my very illogical predictions. Also there will be coin flip predictions because I haven’t a clue what I am talking about. The higher seed is heads and the lower is tails.

Eastern Conference

Bruins vs Panthers: Guess. Go on. Guess. The Bruins, babie. Coin flip? Heads. The coin (which is actually just Siri) picks The Bruins.

Maple Leafs vs Lightning: As much as it pains me, I am picking Toronto. Mostly because the universe requires them to lose to Boston. The coin flip is tails so Siri picks Tampa Bay. I can dig that.

Whalers vs Islanders: I want to pick the Islanders, I really do. I just don’t see The Whale losing this one. Coin flip? Tails. Siri picks the Islanders.

Devils vs Rangers: I really don’t want to pick the higher seed in every series, but I think I have to. I’m going with The Devils even though I am still pissed at them for pulling their AHL affiliate out of Lowell. Siri/coin? Heads. The universe picks New Jersey too.

On to the Western Conference where I don’t know jack about anything.

Avalanche vs Kraken: Based on nothing factual I am picking Seattle. Why? Because The Avalanche are the reigning cup winners and it’s Seattle’s first ever playoff appearance. Go Kraken! The coin, however, picks Colorado.

Stars vs Wild: In the epic battle of teams with one syllable names, I have no idea who to pick in this series. I’m going to say The Wild, only because I’ve actually been to one of their home games once. The coin flip agrees!

Golden Knights vs Jets: I want to pick The Jets but I can’t. Vegas is going to take this one. The coin flip agrees.

Oilers vs Kings: I want to pick the Kings, but I won’t. I’m picking The Oilers because they are going to win. Once again, the coin flip agrees. Edmonton might be my pick for the West. Unless Seattle kicks major ass.

So there we have it. My shitty picks for the first round of the 2023 playoffs. I don’t give a rats ass about any of them, just so long as The Bruins win the cup. Oh please, Bruins, win the cup.