Tag: terrible television

Oh Sweet Merciful Monday, It Is Finally Over!

Fear the Walking Dead is Over! The series has completed! After eight seasons, the last five of which are the worst television ever produced, they have finally put us out of our misery!

The last two episodes aired last night. I watched them this morning while exercising and eating breakfast and good lord they were AWEFUL. I mean… Holy shit, were they terrible! I was literally laughing out loud at the majority of the “dramatic” moments. The writing was so atrocious that it was funny. Not funny in a good way, but funny in an “I can’t believe how pathetic this is, how did this garbage make it to the air” kind of way.

Who cares though, the show is over. It will never come back again. Stick a fork in it, it’s done! I am so happy for the members of the cast who are now free to work on good TV shows and movies and literally anything they want without ever having to work on this shit heap of idiocy ever again. You are free, people! You are finally and mercifully free!

I feel so relieved. I no longer have to question my sanity as I hate watch the worst show on television, purely for the sake of completeness. This once fantastic show turned into a rusting, leaking, septic tank of bad and I no longer feel compelled to watch another second.

We are all free! We are all freed from the tyranny of the terrible TV show! Rejoice! Rejoice!

Fear the Walking Exposition

I am going to talk about how awful last night’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead was… again. I don’t think I am going to spoil anything because nothing happened so there was nothing to spoil, but if you’re watching the show and haven’t seen last night’s episode you should probably stop reading.

I’ll give you a second to decide.

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Okay… so… When I was in college I took a creative writing course. I had one phrase drilled into my tiny little brain: Show Don’t Tell. When you’re writing, don’t tell the readers what’s happening, show them. Describe the events as they happen, don’t just have the characters say what’s going on.

The writers of last night’s episode never took that creative writing class. Basically the entire episode is Tell Don’t Show. It’s about 40 minutes of exposition. That is inexcusable in any television situation, but here? There are only two more episodes in the entire series after last night, and they spent 40 minutes on exposition?

They also introduced new characters last night. Really. A whole new group. The story tells us that they met a major character last season… after the actor left the show and was supposed to be dead… What. The. Fuck?

Every week I say that the new episode is as bad as it could possibly get. Every week’s new episode tops the prior week in terribleness. Once again, this is the worst episode imaginable. Unforgivably bad.

Fear the Walking MacBook

I haven’t watched last night’s Fear the Walking Dead episode. Let me rephrase, I haven’t bitterly hate watched last night’s Fear the Walking Dead episode. I have to watch it tonight. Why? Because I need it to go away and I don’t want to wait any longer. Let’s get the garbage overwith.

There’s a Bruins game on tonight though. I’d rather watch that. There’s a World Series game too and I’d rather watch that. Strangely, there is also an Apple event. Rumor has it they are going to announce new MacBook Pros with M3 chips. I would rather watch that too.

Nope. At some point tonight I am going to ignore all of the good things available and watch the new episode of the worst television show I’ve ever subjected myself to. What the hell is wrong with me?

One Awful Episode Down, Five Awful Episodes to Go

I did it. I watched the first episode of the final half-season of Fear the Walking Dead. It was just as atrocious as I expected it to be.

Spoilers ahead, sort of… but you’re not watching this dumpster fire of a shit show so you don’t have to worry about spoilers, right?

The worst part about the bad guy reveal is that it erases what was probably the most dramatic, intense, shocking moment of season three, which is not only the best season of Fear the Walking Dead, but might actually be the best season of the entire Walking Dead franchise. It was a holy shit moment for the ages and now it’s just a dumb after thought of stupidity. Gee thanks, Fear. Way to diarrhea all over your best moments.

Dumb

I am about to do something really dumb. Like… I can’t even believe how dumb it is.

I just brought up the AMC app on my AppleTV. I am going to watch last night’s mid-season premier of Fear the Walking Dead.

This once great show has deteriorated into the worst show I’ve ever subjected myself to. It is as awful as awful can get. Unfortunately for me when it comes to television I am kind of a completest. I started watching The Walking Dead ages ago and have since seen every episode of every series. I can’t really stop now just because one spin off has puked all over itself and now sucks more than any television show has ever sucked before.

I started the episode. I am not even through the cold open yet and already I have thrown up in my mouth in disgust at the horrible writing three times.

Why do I keep torturing myself with shitty TV? Why?

Fear the Walking Migraine

Last night at about quarter to 11:00 I decided it was time to go to bed. At that very moment, I noticed my eyes were off. I was just starting to have the first symptom of a migraine. It wasn’t bad, but it was there. I turned off the lights, buried my head in the pillow, squeezed my eyes shut, and within five minutes was asleep.

When I woke up I had a mild headache, but nothing too bad. I got up (after hitting snooze six times) and got dressed and started my day. I added some Extra Strength Tylenol to my morning vitamins for what remained of the headache and went down cellar to do my day’s exercise.

That’s when things went bad. What happened, you ask? I put on last night’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead. What else could cause such a disaster?

Spoilers ahead, but it’s probably okay because you’re not dumb enough to watch this idiotic show, are you? I’m the only one left watching, I am positive of that.

Anyway, you’ve been warned… spoilers for what passes as a plot for season nine episode five… I think.

I always bitch about how the plot for this show is constantly driven by people talking on magic walkie talkies that have unlimited range, unlimited battery life, and there is only one channel available so everyone in the former United States of America can hear every word, yet they still constantly give away all of their plans and positions while knowing the baddies are listening in. It’s the dumbest plot device imaginable.

Anyway, this episode kicked it up a very large notch. I have to believe that the writers and show runners wrote this episode to troll us. You see, the entire episode was people sitting around talking on walkie talkies. Seriously, pretty much the entire episode was just people talking on walkie talkies. There was one other plot device in play. Yeah, it was the seven year old kid making all of the decisions. The seven year old kid traveled all over Georgia with a dying adult who was going to turn into a zombie at any moment and everyone was okay with that. The seven year old kid performed radiation therapy on a patient. The seven year old kid was able to run a railroad hand cart without help. As if those things do not require any strength at all to operate. The seven year old kid decided where to go and what to do. All of which was done over a walkie talkie, of course.

Fuck this show

The worst part is that much of Reddit is on blackout today to protest the company charging enormous fees to access their API, thus putting a number of third party apps out of business, and r/fearthewalkingdead is down so I can’t bitch to like minded masochists.

This sucks.

Fear the Walking Reddit (Spoilers Ahead)

Major Fear the Walking Dead Spoilers ahead. If you’re planning to watch this incredibly terrible show, stop reading. You have been warned.

Back in the days of the first two seasons of Fear the Walking Dead I was at the height of my use of Reddit. I went to the Fear subreddit after every episode and chimed in on the episode specific post. I was one of the few positive people. Most people were really down on the show but there were a few of us who were optimistic.

During season three, when the show hit it’s meteoric peak, I started drifting away from Reddit. I don’t think I visited very often, but the few times I did it was clear everyone was loving the show. Well, most everyone.

For the last few weeks I have been logging in and giving a short list of things that were especially stupid in my eyes. There were some seriously stupid things in this week’s episode. This is what I posted:

My favorite idiotic moments from this episode:

All of the focus on the radios, but that’s every episode so it doesn’t count for this one.

When the walkers ate Daddy Padre and he just stood there calmly while they were eating him. Bonus points for his very much un-eaten walker self wandering around later in the episode because the swarm of walkers didn’t eat him, they just bit him a couple of times and then fucked off.

Madison smashes the mirror and everyone sees Padre brother in the office and they all act like they know exactly who he is. Not a single character had the obvious reaction of, “who the fuck is this clown?”

Daniel’s memory is back? Because of tea? My mother died in February after years of dementia destroyed her brain. I am fucking insulted by this little story line. I really wish my mother could have saved her life with that fucking tea. Fuck you, Fear. Fuck you right in your fucking eye.

I think there are 10 episodes left, right? I don’t think I am going to make it. I am just hate watching for completeness sake now, but I barely made it to the opening credits without screaming at the screen. This is literally, objectively, unequivocally the worst show ever.

Me

In explanation, the stuff with the radios. We’re supposed to be something like 10-15 years after the fall of civilization and every single character on Earth (according to the show) carries a walkie-talkie that works perfectly and has a battery that still charges without issue and they all talk to each other on the same frequency. It’s utterly idiotic.

Further explanation, last season they talked about a secret location called Padre. Now, magically, we find out that Padre isn’t a place, it’s a person. Or it’s a place. It might be two or three people. It might be two or three people and a place. Or a place. The show can’t seem to decide. Daddy Padre is the original Padre. Padre brother might be the current Padre, or his sister is, or both he and his sister are, or neither of them is. We can’t really tell because the show keeps changing its mind.

Daniel is a season one character. He was awesome in season one. He started getting a little mentally unstable in season two. He’s dealing with something that looks a lot like early stage dementia by season four or five. In this week’s episode he makes his first season eight appearance and he’s basically back to his season one self. He sort of credits his return to mental clarity to a drink that he’s slurping as he walks down the street. It’s so fucking insulting.

My post ignores the real dumbest thing in the episode. The bad guys kidnap kids from their parents to spare them the pain of their parents dying. So to keep them from suffering the loss of their parents… they lose their parents. I shit you not, that is the bad guy’s justification. Someone wrote that, and someone else said it was okay to film it and put it on television. Again, I shit you not.

I really don’t know if I am going to be able to continue hate watching this show. I don’t think I can take it. In my Reddit post I said there were 10 episodes left. There are actually only nine. There is a mid-season break, and one of the new Walking Dead spinoffs is going to debut during that break (Dead City, the one where Maggie and Negan go to Manhattan) and that show might actually be really good (I hope). So maybe I can fight through it. If I do, there are likely to be a lot of venting and bitching posts around here. Probably on the Reddits too.

You have been warned.

I Don’t Think I Can Do It

I just put on last night’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead. I haven’t even made it to the opening credits yet and I’m already so bored. It’s just awful, awful, awful.

There are only 10 episodes left in the series (I think) and I just can’t handle it.

I don’t think I am going to be able to make it to the end. Completist be damned, this show is just too terrible to stomach. I really don’t think I can take any more.

Fear is Back… Unfortunately

Fear the Walking Dead’s eighth and final season kicked off last night. I’m watching the episode now as I close my exercise ring on this Monday morning.

Why, oh why do I keep doing this to myself?

Why is being a TV show completist even a thing? Why am I compelled to watch what is clearly the worst show on television, and quite possibly the worst show in the history of television? This show hasn’t been anything other than awful since the second half of season four. This is the start of season eight and I am still torturing myself.

Why?

Ten minutes into the season premier and it was clear that all of the things that made seasons five, six, and seven unbearably terrible are still in play. After three seasons of shit, we’re still introducing new characters in the opening segments, they are still somehow… I don’t even know. It’s just stupidity, left and right. I still have five minutes to go and the walkie-talkie count is up to about nine, I think. Fear the Walkie-Talkie.

This show couldn’t possibly suck more, and yet here I am watching. What a fucking idiot.