The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 79: Socks

I haven’t posted a stir crazy since July. I haven’t stopped thinking about it, it just means that all of the quarantine lock down Covid bullshit we were flipping out over 1.75 years ago has become normal and the things that used to be normal are now abnormal. This one in particular might be better allocated to a Rob-is-getting-old-and-stupid file than stir crazy, but this is what I got so this is what I got.

Yesterday morning, I was just out of the shower and I was getting dressed. I sat on the bed, lifted up my left foot, put on my left sock, and put my foot down. Then I lifted up my right foot, put on my right sock, and put my foot down. Then I lifted up my left foot and… wait a second…

Now if that were it, then it would be funny and I would feel like a tool and that’s it. No, there was one more thing. It wasn’t picking up my left foot and seeing that there was already a sock on it that clued me into my doofusness. No. I realized something was wrong when I looked on the bed next to me and couldn’t find the sock that I was looking for. I couldn’t find it because it was on my foot.

I hereby declare myself: Dumbass.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 78: Tone Deaf

I might have snapped… finally.

This morning as we were getting ready for work Jen made an off hand comment about the health of one of the plants in the bedroom. She said it was looking a little dead.

Given that we are still up to our necks in a pandemic, and that all signs are pointing to things getting worse again, my response was incredibly tone deaf.

Upon hearing the word “dead” a song leaped to the front of my brain and lodged itself there. Two hours later it is still insisting that I sing it to myself constantly. At the time, it insisted that I sing it out loud and I did.

A lovely little ditty from the South Park Christmas album called “Dead, Dead, Dead.”

Dead, dead, dead,
Someday we’ll be dead.
Dead, dead, dead,
Someday we’ll all be dead.

Are you effing kidding me Robert? Read the friggin’ room! And by room I mean the entire friggin’ human race!

Asshole.

Tone deaf asshole.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 75

That’s something you don’t see every day during a pandemic.

It’s trash day in my little neighborhood today. I took the two big barrels out to the street like a good citizen. My yard is a mess thanks to squirrels and high winds so I have a lot of trash scattered along the edge of the woods. That’s a weekend project though. Today we’re just talking about the garbage truck.

They drove up, took our trash, drove up to the next house and took theirs, then they drove diagonally across the street, picked up one house, and drove diagonally back across the street. In doing so they blocked the entire road. That’s when the school bus drove up.

So here we are in Global Pandemic World, living on our little locked down street, with two great big trucks blocking each other in the middle of the road.

Traffic? On our little residential street? Is that a thing?

Remember traffic? I have to drive to my office in Waltham a week from this coming Friday. I’m going in the afternoon, not during the rush, and I’m only going to be there for an hour or so. Still… the idea of it… it scares me. I don’t mind the drive, but going inside… yikes. That’s not the point of this episode though.

The point of this episode is, if you drive a truck during a pandemic, you should still probably not block both sides of the road. I mean, if you can avoid doing so you probably should.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

THE STIR CRAZY FILES – EPISODE 73: Mr Fix It

Well, this morning one of our smoke detectors started giving the low battery squawk. We needed a tried and true handy man to track it down, take it off the ceiling, change the batteries, and put it back on the ceiling. We needed a hero. Fortunately that hero was available and came through for us. That hero… was me.

Yes, Robert is so tall that when the low battery squawk starts his head is close enough to the ceiling that he can both track down the ailing unit and reach up to unscrew it from its perch. Yes, his skills are virtually endless. The biggest challenge though was getting the dying batteries out of the damm thing. Something about the model we have, they really stick those batteries in there good. I was, of course, able to prevail in that struggle, and all is well with our smoke detecting system once more.

Please, please, no applause. Just throw money.

Now if I could just figure out why my SleepWatch report from last night keeps disappearing (was it because my watch was on the charger?) and why I only managed an 8% sleeping heart rate dip last night. That is just not optimal! (On the report it labels 8% as “not optimal” so you see what I did there?)

I really need Covid to be over. Really.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 72: Slasher Flick

Thanks to that prick Covid, we can’t go to stores. All of our home goods needs are coming from The Amazon. (I’m thinking about referring to Amazon.com as The Amazon. I’m not sure if I like it, I’m just trying it on for size.) That includes stuff like ice melt for the driveway. I’ve bought a couple of three gallon tubs of it. The first tub ran out when I cleaned up the snow on Monday morning. I knew it was coming so I had a second tub ready to go.

It snowed last night. Just a little, barely enough to cover the driveway, but I went outside and shoveled it all anyway. Good doobie and all that shit. When the driveway, walkway, and fire hydrant were all clear I went to put some ice melt down for the instacart delivery folks who are going to be here this morning. I couldn’t do it though. The cover on the second, as yet still unopened, tub was defective. There is supposed to be a pull tab, but it was still molded into the plastic cover. I was quickly able to cut it out with my trusty Swiss Army Knife (the true hero of Covid in our house, so much so that Santa brought one for Jen and Harry) but it didn’t help. I could grab the pull tab but I couldn’t actually pull it. Defective all around.

I tried cutting the pull strip off but I couldn’t get it. My Swiss Army Knife’s first ever fail. I tried prying the cover off with a screw driver but it wouldn’t come. Finally I did what Emperor Palpatine is always telling me to do. I gave in to the hate. I channeled all of the slasher flicks I’d ever seen back in my horror movie watching 20’s and I took my knife and stabbed it through the top of the lid. I carved around the edge enough that I could pull it back to make an opening…

…and I poured the new tub into the old tub and carried on with my day.

I blame Covid. You should too.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 63

This just dawned on me…. Holy crap….

I’m having a crazy day here at the home office. Busy. My 1:00PM lunch break didn’t start until 2:45. My 16 hour fast lasted 17:45 today. Crazy!

As I eat my PB&J with a side of Ritz crackers I am listening to the Puck Soup podcast. Our favorite hockey writer podcast is having an in depth discussion of appetizers. One of them just said he loves going to a tex-mex place and having a big bowl of chips and salsa.

So do I, I thought. Minus the salsa, of course. That’s when it hit me.

I haven’t been to The Border Cafe in over seven months.

As if the existence of Covid-19 wasn’t bad enough, now I realize that I haven’t been to my favorite restaurant in over half a year. The entire Spring and the entire Summer passed without me having a single bite of Tejas chicken, or their blackened chicken, or the French quarter chicken, or the tortilla chips.

Good lord, what has the world come to?

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 62

I think the stir crazy for this installment of the stir crazy files is more of an abstract idea. It’s kinda of a philosophical stir crazy, if you will.

The stir crazy is… I don’t really feel stir crazy anymore. How did that happen? Quarantine/Lock Down/Extreme Social Distance… it’s normal now. We don’t go out, we work from home, we only drive the cars around a little just to make sure they still work, we don’t see people, we instacart groceries and amazon everything else. We try picking up new hobbies, then we drop the new hobbies and look for new, new hobbies. We tweak our work spaces here and there. We stress over the kids going to school. We stress over the possibility of being asked to go back to the office. We stress over sick family members and then stress again over not being able to help sick family members.

All of it sucks out loud, but it’s all normal now. It’s not this new, insane thing that we have to deal with, it’s just life. It should feel wackier than it does, shouldn’t it?

Oh well. At least we get a new season of The Mandolorian in a couple of weeks. This is the way.

The Stir Crazy Files – Episode 2 (Preempted)

I had a second episode of The Stir Crazy Files all lined up and ready to go and then something came along to negate the need for it.

Yesterday my love came up with a plan to take a tiny little bite out of the cabin fever and also fight against the lack of exercise we are bound to suffer from during our social distancing.

She asked me if I wanted to take a walk around the block.  I said sure and off we went.  It only took about 15 minutes or so and it just felt great.  I mean, the exercise was just exercise, you know?  But actually spending a few minutes outside of the confines of our house just really hit the spot.

Normally I would be 100% in favor of not going outside for any reason, but now that The Man is telling us to stay in it just felt so good breathe fresh air.  We both felt invigorated and we agreed we’d do the same thing every lunch time until The Man sets us free.  Weather permitting, of course.

Can you see where this is going now?

When we woke up this morning it was pouring rain.  When we started working it was pouring rain.  When I looked outside after my morning meeting it was pouring rain.

Damn it.

When 1:00 came I didn’t even bother looking outside, I just went to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich.

Then… a minor miracle.

Jen had a meeting end around 1:00.  As I was sitting down to eat my sandwich she asked if I wanted to go for a walk.  But… but.. I thought.  Then I looked outside and wonder of wonders the rain had stopped!  It was still cold as ass, but at least it wasn’t raining!  We went outside and went for a walk.  Oh happiness!

So instead of writing a post about feeling stir crazy again, I get to write a post about not feeling stir crazy again.

Sweet.

Now go and wash your damn hands.