Shoes

Daily writing prompt

Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.

Nope, I gots nothing for this one.

I’m not going to declare that this is a dumb question. I’m sure for both shoe lovers and deep, metaphysical thinkers today’s daily writing prompt might lead to a fascinating essay and discussion, but I am neither of those people.

I don’t have a favorite pair of shoes. I never have and it is likely that I never will. What I am is large. I’m somewhere between six feet four and six feet five inches tall. That’s 193-194 centimeters (or so) for our metric friends. I was hoping I would hit the magic two meter mark, but I came up a bit short. Maybe that’s the source of my deep seated sense of failure in life (he said mostly kiddingly). Who knows.

Along with my ridiculous height I also have really, really big feet. Like my feet are too big to buy shoes off the rack at any normal shoe store. When I shop for shoes at the New Balance website I need to order size 14eee. My feet are both too long and too wide for my own good. That is probably the reason why I have never had a favorite pair of shoes. I simply cannot be choosy about my shoes. If I find a pair that fits I grab them. Shoes are nothing to me beyond that.

And that, gentle readers is why I don’t have an answer for today’s daily writing prompt. Sorry, folks, but if the shoe fits…

Generate an image of a Jedi Knight trying on new shoes at a shoe store.

Running Shoes

I just ordered a new pair of sneakers from New Balance. I always order from New Balance because my feet require a shoe size that you cannot get in regular stores (14 extra-wide). You can get my size online from New Balance without a special order. That’s not the point of this post though.

The point of this post is that when I went to the site and started searching I went to the running shoes section. Yeah, I did that. If you’ve known me at any point between birth in May of 1971 and weight loss surgery in May of 2022 then you know how absolutely ridiculous the idea of me buying running shoes is. Run? Why run when not chased?*

Now? In 2023? Post gastric bypass Rob? Running for real might be on the table. Jen thinks I should try for next year’s Run Disney 5k. I mean, it’s preposterous, but… who knows.

*Oft quoted line from the film Real Genius. If you haven’t seen that movie, go find it. It’s a moral imperative.

White Sneakers

I bought new sneakers* the other day and they were delivered today. My feet are freakishly huge. The new shoes are size 14 4e. They are a little on the snug side. Hopefully they’ll loosen up.

They are also white.

I haven’t bought white sneakers in 1000 years. I used to only buy white sneakers and I don’t know what fashion trend that I wasn’t actually aware of that caused me to stop, but it’s been a long time.

I feel like I have a pair of suns on my feet, shining bright enough to be seen from the other side of the galaxy. I kinda want to go outside and walk through the mud for a while. Should I?

*Not everyone calls them sneakers, but folks in my neck of the woods do. I think out west they are called tennis shoes, and maybe across the pond they are called trainers. Does that sound right?

Pain

I am physically falling apart and it’s pissing me off.

Last week I got fed up with the state of my shoes. Both the shoes I wear to work, business casual style, and the sneakers I wear everywhere else were in a sorry state. The work shoes were worn smooth and walking on a wet floor in the lobby at work could be dangerous. The sneakers were also flat but had the added benefit of the soles coming off entirely. So I bought new shoes. I have to order them online because my feet are freakishly huge (size 14, 4x width). New Balance makes shoes that fit me but I generally can’t get them in stores.

The shoes were delivered. I tried them on. They fit. End of story, right? Wrong.

On Monday I had a bad pain in my left foot. It felt like I twisted my ankle but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to earn this fun pain. By Tuesday the pain had sort of settled into my instep and gotten much worse. I think I know what it is. I have never been diagnosed with plantar fasciitis, but years ago I was dealing with brutal pain in one of my feet and there were two or three people who told me that my symptoms were exactly the same as theirs had been when they were diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. Someone suggested a stretching exercise and I tried it and eventually the pain went away. This time around it is Friday and I’m still in major pain. Wednesday was better, Thursday was WORSE (capital letters to emphasize just how much worse). Today is bad but so far a little better than yesterday.

If it is what I think it is then it’s the third time I’ve had it. The first time was out of the blue and absolutely brutal. The second time wasn’t as bad, but I was doing those stretches right away and it took care of it. Now when I think back at the second time though… I am pretty sure it corresponded with new shoes. Is it possible that breaking in new shoes causes whatever this is to flare up? If so, I might never buy new shoes again. I’ll just wear these until they disintegrate and then go barefoot for the rest of my days. This sucks. I want it to be over.

Then we add this onto the crap pile. Last night, Jen and Harry and I were sitting in the living room watching That 70’s Show on Netflix. An episode ended at 9:00 (I love cake) and Jen said she had one more in her before she had to go to bed. I decided to take that opportunity to do the thing that I have been telling myself to do every day for months: Practice the effing guitar.

I went into the bedroom, plugged my Les Paul straight into the amp (guitar pedal nerds world wide shudder in fear) and spent about 20 minutes noodling. After a few minutes I thought, huh… my left elbow hurts. Why the hell does my left elbow hurt? It hadn’t hurt before, but it hurt then and it still feels a little tender now. What the hell!? I didn’t do anything to earn additional pain, why the hell does it hurt?

You know what I need? I need a freakin’ vacation. That’s what I need. How about a vacation and a new body. Can I trade this one in for a younger model?