Tag: sad

Feeling a Little Blue

I dropped off the kids at their dad’s this morning. Jen and I won’t see them again until after they start school. My step son is going to have his first day of middle school this week and I’m not going to be able to help build him up if he’s feeling nervous. I mean, the kid is as sharp as a razor, he’s going to excel in middle school. But he’s nervous the way every kid is when they move up a school. I just feel bad that I can’t be there to help him along. Next year his sister will start high school. Maybe I can come through for her then, but that doesn’t make me feel any better today. Oh well.

Sabrina

Here are the dirty details.

Patches was hissing and growling.  Sabrina was nervous and clearly scared.  We did what people suggested.  We put their food bowls on either side of Sabrina’s safe room’s door.  The idea is to associate the smell of the other cat with something positive, ie food.  Jen rubbed a clean sock on Sabrina and gave it to Patches.  When Patches didn’t freak out she got a treat.

All of that was going well, but today Patches started throwing herself into the safe room’s door, all while hissing and growling.  The fear of the two cats fighting and possibly hurting each other was compounded by the fear of Patches hurting herself.

Add to that, the kids were at their dad’s house through all of this.  Tonight was the first night they would have been home with Sabrina.  If we didn’t do it tonight, we would never be able to do it.  At least not without breaking the kids’ hearts along with mine and Jen’s.

So I took Sabrina back to the shelter today.  The staff at the shelter told me that we were doing the right thing.

I shall now drown my sadness in my Les Paul.

I’m Tired

I feel weird right now.  I’m very tired.  Sleeping doesn’t seem to help as much as it should.  How weird is that?  Jen and I both go to bed completely tired, and then wake up 6-7 hours later feeling just as tired as we did when we went to bed.

The weekend is upon us but it is probably not going to be a restful one.  There are softball try outs tomorrow along with piano class.  Some housework needs to be attended to.  Jen has work work and school work to do.

On Sunday I am on call for a major customer’s major software update.  These things normally do not require me to work, but the last time this customer went through an update I had to work quite a bit.

That’s bad, but what’s worse is that my step son has little league try outs on Sunday and I can’t be away from a computer.  I’m crushed.  I want so badly to support the kids in their baseball/softball careers.  In the last year my step son has become a fanatical baseball fan and he and I can gab about the game endlessly.  My step daughter doesn’t get nearly as wrapped up in things, but every coach she’s had has made it a point to tell me how good she is.  I know enough about the game to be able to tell that for myself, thank you, but it’s always great to hear it from coaches.  She’s good.  She’s really good.

I love baseball.  I loved playing when I was a kid even though I was always the worse kid on the team.  Just being around the game was so much fun.  I want my step kids to feel that way too, and I want to be there to encourage every little detail.  On Sunday, however, I am going to miss out on something for one of them.  I’m really disappointed in myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I know how good I have it schedule wise as far as my job is concerned.  The commute sucks, the money is low, and I get stressed out like mad at times, but I punch in at 9:00 and I punch out at 5:30 and the changes to that schedule, being on call or what not, are few and far between.  I have my weekends, and when my wife’s incredibly intense schedule comes into the equation I am able to get the kids where they need to be, or get the errands done.  It pleases me that I can do those things and I really shouldn’t bitch about the rare instance where work does get in the way of something on a weekend… but I’m still going to bitch and you just have to deal with it.

So I am tired right now.  I’ve been sleeping okay, it just hasn’t made much of a difference.  Now I’m annoyed too because I won’t be there for my step son on Sunday.  So I’m tired and annoyed.  Being annoyed makes me more tired.  Being tired makes me more annoyed.

Oh please, please let this be a quiet day at work.

Saddest Conversations Ever

What do you call it when your family includes step children whose time is split equally with another family?  Is that a blended family?  I think that’s the proper term.  Last night we had a loss in our blended family.

My wife has two kids.  Two fantastic kids.  Two amazing kids.  They spend half of their time with us, and half of their time with their father and step mother.  I might have mentioned that a few hundred million times, but I am just clearing it up for all the new people.

In our house it’s me and my wife, the two kids, and a cat.  We had some fish there for a while, but they didn’t make it.  We also had a mouse for a couple of days, but he wasn’t exactly an invited guest.

At their father’s house they have two dogs and three cats.  One of those cats had to be put down yesterday.  Squeaky Cat, a Siamese who lived a whopping 14 years.  When the kids were dropped off at our house last night they weren’t exactly clear on the details as they were still pretty upset, but it sounds like Squeaky Cat’s kidneys were failing and she was suffering.

Both kids were very brave and very strong.  They watched the procedure and told us what happened.  They were both clearly upset by the loss, but they were handling it great.  Right up until bed time, that is.

My step son went to bed first.  He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and I happened to be walking by and noticed that he was crying.  Hugs were given, tears were shed, I told him he should focus on his happiest memories and he said that Squeaky loved jumping into boxes, especially laundry baskets.  Is there anything cuter than a cat in a laundry basket?  At one point he said one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.  He said, “I’m going to make a wish to Santa to bring Squeaky back.”  Eventually he was able to pull it together and he went to sleep.  I am very proud of how he has handled the situation.  He’s a fantastic kid.

30 minutes after my step son went to bed, my step daughter’s bed time came along.  She just walked up to me with tears beginning to well up in her eyes and leaned on me.  Again, hugs were given, tears were shed.  I asked her what her favorite memories of Squeaky Cat were and she also said Squeaky jumping into boxes.  Again, is there anything cuter?  She too got herself together and was about to go to sleep when she started crying again and asked, “Whose going to feed her?”  It was just gut wrenching, the poor thing.  Still, I am very proud of the way she handled the situation.  She too is a fantastic kid.

I’ve said it a millions times before, but I am the luckiest man alive.  The obvious reason is the way my wife and her kids have let me be a part of their family.  I couldn’t ask for anything more.  Even when it’s sad and difficult like last night was, I still could not imagine being luckier.

Rest in peace, Squeaky Cat.