I am physically falling apart and it’s pissing me off.

Last week I got fed up with the state of my shoes.  Both the shoes I wear to work, business casual style, and the sneakers I wear everywhere else were in a sorry state.  The work shoes were worn smooth and walking on a wet floor in the lobby at work could be dangerous.  The sneakers were also flat but had the added benefit of the soles coming off entirely.  So I bought new shoes.  I have to order them online because my feet are freakishly huge (size 14, 4x width).  New Balance makes shoes that fit me but I generally can’t get them in stores.

The shoes were delivered.  I tried them on.  They fit.  End of story, right?  Wrong.

On Monday I had a bad pain in my left foot.  It felt like I twisted my ankle but I didn’t.  I wasn’t sure what I’d done to earn this fun pain.  By Tuesday the pain had sort of settled into my instep and gotten much worse.  I think I know what it is.  I have never been diagnosed with plantar fasciitis, but years ago I was dealing with brutal pain in one of my feet and there were two or three people who told me that my symptoms were exactly the same as theirs had been when they were diagnosed with plantar fasciitis.  Someone suggested a stretching exercise and I tried it and eventually the pain went away.  This time around it is Friday and I’m still in major pain.  Wednesday was better, Thursday was WORSE (capital letters to emphasize just how much worse).  Today is bad but so far a little better than yesterday.

If it is what I think it is then it’s the third time I’ve had it.  The first time was out of the blue and absolutely brutal.  The second time wasn’t as bad, but I was doing those stretches right away and it took care of it.  Now when I think back at the second time though… I am pretty sure it corresponded with new shoes.  Is it possible that breaking in new shoes causes whatever this is to flare up?  If so, I might never buy new shoes again.  I’ll just wear these until they disintegrate and then go barefoot for the rest of my days.  This sucks.  I want it to be over.

Then we add this onto the crap pile.  Last night, Jen and Harry and I were sitting in the living room watching That 70’s Show on Netflix.  An episode ended at 9:00 (I love cake) and Jen said she had one more in her before she had to go to bed.  I decided to take that opportunity to do the thing that I have been telling myself to do every day for months: Practice the effing guitar.

I went into the bedroom, plugged my Les Paul straight into the amp (guitar pedal nerds world wide shudder in fear) and spent about 20 minutes noodling.  After a few minutes I thought, huh… my left elbow hurts.  Why the hell does my left elbow hurt?  It hadn’t hurt before, but it hurt then and it still feels a little tender now.  What the hell!?  I didn’t do anything to earn additional pain, why the hell does it hurt?

You know what I need?  I need a freakin’ vacation.  That’s what I need.  How about a vacation and a new body.  Can I trade this one in for a younger model?