Tag: home owner

I am the Angel of Death (in Some Circles)

I took a picture of a snake in the cellar last night. It was dead. I left it there with the intention of getting rid of it this morning.

There is a snow shovel in the cellar. Why? Because once I found a live garter snake and I used a snow shovel to kill it. Now, so long as the shovel is not needed in the driveway, it stays in the cellar. I grabbed our broom and took it downstairs with the plan to sweep the corpse onto the shovel, dump it into a trash barrel, and then take the barrel outside. I had to walk over to the other end of the cellar to get the shovel. As I was heading over to the laundry area, where last night’s dead sucker was decaying, I walked behind the couch.

There was another one.

Mutha Puss Bucket!

Was it dead? I don’t know. It wasn’t moving. What do I do? I reached out with the broom and poked it. It was alive all right. It took off for a hiding place, but I used the broom to sweep it back out into the open, where I bashed it with the shovel. SLAM! It wasn’t all the way dead, but it was broken enough that it didn’t matter. Sweep sweep, scoop scoop, it’s in the trash. Sweep sweep, scoop scoop, last night’s bastard was in the trash.

Now I’m paranoid. I went wandering around, looking for more of the little s.o.b’s. Turns out there was this thing that I thought was a twisty tie (the cat LOVES to play with twisty ties) in a corner that turned out to be another dead one. I first saw it a couple of days ago but didn’t think anything of it. Sweep sweep, scoop scoop, carry the barrel outside and deposit three little home invaders.

I should also add that last weekend while I was mowing the grass I happened to see one slithering along the edge of the patio. Garter snakes are easier to kill with a lawn mower than with a shovel, I’ll tell you that for nothing. I left the corpse behind, figuring some animal would make use of it. The next day I took a look and it was gone.

I’m going to assume that it was the screwy weather last night that brought two of them into the open. I’m also going to assume that the very, very cold cellar floor will put and end to all of those that do come out of hiding. If not that, then the cat. Those that do show themselves and somehow manage to survive will have to face me and my shovel. From the garter snake’s point of view, I am the angel of death. I am the back breaker. I am the head smasher. I am snakey heaven’s justice.

(if you are a garter snake) Don’t mess with me.

Lawn Mower

The first lawn mower we had at this house was given to us by Jen’s mother and step father. It was excellent for the first year, but when I brought it out for year two something broke off (I can’t remember exactly) and it would no longer start.

We went out and bought a new mower for year two. It was a self propelled push mower. It had balls so big that it didn’t cut the grass, it terrified the grass so badly that the grass cut itself. It was also heavy and the handle was just low enough to make my ridiculously tall self have to bend over a little. Only a little, but enough that my back hurt like hell after each mowing. It worked well for year two in the new house, but when I took it out for year three it wouldn’t start (are you seeing a pattern?). It was probably just the spark plug or something dumb like that, but I couldn’t get the damn thing out to try and change it. I don’t have a socket long enough, and every time I tried to get one it would be just wrong enough to not help.

So for year three I borrowed a mower from my father. He had a new one and I took his old one. It was a small push mower that was very light. The handle was as low as my super mower but the thing overall was so light it didn’t result in back pain. That one wouldn’t start either, but it wasn’t designed by assholes and I was able to change the spark plug all by my self (like a big boy). It worked swimmingly all through year three and for the first two mows of year four (this year).

Then two weeks ago I tried to start it. It chugged weakly for a few seconds and conked out. That was it. No more mowing for that puppy. Last Thursday I took it to a small engine shop in Methuen. Today I picked it up. All better. It runs, it had a tune up, and it had it’s blade sharpened (which is good because with all the leaves in the back yard I tend to abuse those blades).

When I came home today my first thought was, “WOOHOO the mower is fixed!”

Then I thought about it for a minute and considered the implications on my weekend.

Crap, the lawn mower is fixed.

Trash Barrel Success

I did it. I faked out the residents of back yard wild kingdom.

A couple of months ago I bought two new outside garbage barrels. Big suckers with lids and everything. While cleaning the garage I moved them from their winter home, the garage, to their summer home, outside next to the garage. We went a whole week with trash in the new barrels and not a single animal made it through the lids.

Success!

At least until the squirrels decide to gnaw their way though, of course. Until then… Success!

Cellar Reclamation Project Phase Two

Welcome to Cellar Reclamation Project Phase Two: The Dumpster Strikes Back!

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The plan for this weekend is to toss every single thing in the cellar and storage that hasn’t been touched since we moved in. It’s been about 3.5 years. It’s time.

The question is, if I start at track one of my iPod’s Rush Studio Albums playlist, how far will I get before I keel over? I’m through the first single and the first album. Track one of Fly By Night just started. I’m not dead yet.

I bet the internet is going to run a pool. Guess the album and track. Closest without going over wins.

Am I a Bad Influence?

Each of the last two Tuesdays I have failed to put our trash out on the street for the pick up. I am a bad home owner, that is clear. This week I was determined to get it done. There are two reasons, one there is a lot of trash to go out now and two it does not smell good sitting there in the garage.

Last night, after coming home from my step daughter’s chorus concert where she was the piano accompaniment on one song and a soloist on another (she is a two instrument threat, piano and voice), I put four barrels out by the street. As I was bringing them out I remembered that it was Patriots Day. Patriots Day is a Massachusetts holiday. Is it a trash pick up holiday? I can’t remember. None of the other houses on the street had their trash out. Did that mean the pick up was on Wednesday, or did it mean that I was just earlier than everyone?

I left the trash on the street. This morning? Half of my neighbors have their trash on the street too. Does that mean they think the pick up is today too, or does that mean they saw my trash on the street and figured I knew something they didn’t know?

Am I a bad influence on my neighbors?

Cleaning the house

I just watched five deer run through the woods. Where were the other two, or three? Deer sociology is a mystery to me.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah.

We are giving the house a full on post-Christmas cleaning this weekend. We got to two rooms yesterday and the improvement is gigantic. We can walk from one end of the living room to the other without having to jump over anything (except maybe the cat). Today’s goal is the kitchen, dining room, and bathroom. Unfortunately after two straight days of shoveling, and a full day of cleaning, my back hurts more then it has ever hurt before. It might be a tough day.

Tomorrow we try getting back on the New Year’s Resolution/weight loss bandwagon. I know I’m yo-yoing like mad here, but you have to start somewhere, right?

Cellar Reclamation Project Part 1

Phase One of the Cellar Reclamation Project had been completed.

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The nap time comfy couch has been moved from one side of the stairs to the other. The Pre-HDTV has been put in its place. There is no cable box, just a DVD player. The sectional couch that used to be in front of the TV over in the dark, creepy, spidery corner by the bulkhead has also moved along with the TV. It’s now underneath one of the ceiling lights where it is much less creepy.

I haven’t yet decided what Phase Two of the Cellar Reclamation Project will be.