Tag: home health care

Home

I’m home. I’ve been home for an hour or so.

Without saying anything that might jinx things, or giving specifics, last night was most likely my last parent sitting shift. There has been a plan in the works to resolve their health care needs for a while now and those plans should be reaching their conclusion in the morning. Fingers crossed, knock on wood, insert your please don’t jinx anything spell or hex or whatever it is here.

I’ll give more precise details after it’s all done, but suffice to say that it should be over tomorrow, and last night was my last overnight. My sister is there now so she gets the last shift overall. We’ll all be at the house in the morning to carry it through the next step, but then that should be the end of the overnight stuff. It won’t be the end of everything, just the regularly scheduled overnights.

I’m so tired right now that I am not sure if anything I’m writing is making any sense, I just know that I need it to be over and we’re so close I can smell it and I am absolutely terrified that something is going to go wrong and fuck it all up.

Please please please don’t let anything go wrong and fuck it all up.

Nothing Going Down

It’s 3:00pm here in the Tewksbury at the parent sitting shift. I’m tired. I got a decent night’s sleep last night but I’m tired. I’m trying to keep my brain occupied. I did a little music, I watched an Orville, I have done a couple of chores, I’ve written slightly more than one blog post, I read my wife’s latest blog post. It’s not working for me today. I just want to go home.

The home health care professional who is on duty today is trying to push my parents into being a little more active. She tried to get them to watch a movie together, with a small amount of temporary success, she’s trying to get my mother to go through the stacks of shit they have hoarded in the living room, she’s trying to get them to eat better, and she even asked them if they have any board games they’d like to play. The word you’re looking for here is heroic, even if they haven’t bitten at any of the bait.

Part of me is feeling overwhelmed by all of this. Part of me just feels like sitting back and letting it all crash down. Like… not indifferent, just no longer willing to try. No, that’s not right… not unwilling to try, more like… no longer wanting to care. I just want it over. I know that if I start thinking about a life after parent sitting then something will go wrong and we’ll reboot and be right back at square one again and I can’t deal with that. That wouldn’t feel overwhelming, that would feel like a catastrophic collapse of all brain function.

I miss my wife so much my heart hurts. It hasn’t been 24 hours since I left home last night but it feels like decades. I just miss her so much. Maybe I’ll grab myself a pile of hoarded shit and just take it outside and dump it in the garbage. I wonder, would that feel good or would it be heartbreaking? I can’t even venture a guess anymore.

Okay, I have about three hours left. I think I need to occupy myself with something non-computer related. Maybe that will make the three hours fly by. Doubtful. We’ll see.

Back at it Tonight

I am going to be back at my parents house tonight. I’m trying to be optimistic and keep my head together but there are a couple of things going on at work that are seriously getting under my skin. I’m trying to be helpful but it’s just not working. I don’t know why or how, I just know that I’m about to take a nutty off the deep end of life.

I’m trying to eat my lunch but the universe just won’t let me. To make matters worse, I just dropped a pretzel on the floor. What a sad waste of a delicious snack food.

Oh, and the Red Sox are playing the Yankees right now and the Yankees are up 2-0 after two innings. Yippee.

On the up side, another small step toward a solution to the parent health care problem is scheduled to happen later today. It’ll be wrapped up before I get there so I will be sending red head vibes and crossed fingers from home.

I don’t want to be in a perpetual state of freak out, or an endless state of annoyed. I just want things to be manageable, you know?

Okay, I am going to finish my lunch now. Wish me luck.

Late Lunch

I’m down to the last few minutes of what became a late lunch. Exciting, huh?

Word from my parents house is that my father is doing fantastic. He’s getting up and down on his own and going for walks through the house just to get some practice in. At the risk of TMI… solo trips to the bathroom, god bless america! There’s a homecare worker at the house, and there will be every day, for at least part of the day, for the next couple of weeks. Word is my mother keeps asking her what time she’s leaving. Oh boy.

In the immortal words of The Facts of Life theme, you take the good – you take the bad. Know what I mean, jelly bean?

My brother, sister, and I got on the phone together and worked out the help schedule for the next few weeks. I am free on the days Bellana is coming home, and on the day Harry moves in to school. The price is a double shift next week. Two days in a row. I’ll be there from about 7:00pm on the 11th through 7:00pm on the 13th. It’s worth it to not miss time later in the month, but I am already shaking in fear a little bit.

On that note, back to work for me.

I’m freaking Out

Dad is being discharged at 3:00. The home health aid is coming at 2:30. I am freaking out. Totally freaking out.

Shit has been going on all day at work. None of it is freak-out-worthy, but all of it is freaking me out. I tried to go to lunch at 1:00 but I had 45 minutes solid where I got call after call after call and couldn’t stop.

I am totally fucking freaking out.