Here Comes the Existential Pain

It’s April 30th. The last day of the month. Normally that’s not a big deal, but this month… this month

April 2021 is the last full month of my forties. There is a day in the month of May… a day that is coming soon… a day that the first digit in my age changes, and that is a bad thing. When it changed from zero to one it was awesome. When it changed from one to two it was also awesome. When it changed from two to three… well that sucked. That sucked bad. When it changed from three to four it was painful but by then the damage was done, and I also had Jen to make me feel better about it.

Four changing to five feels about the same as three to four, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. I’ve got eight days left. Eight days left in my forties, which I didn’t even want in the first place but now that they are ending…

crap.

…….and I just found out my friend’s kid has Covid. The universe is a prick.

Quick Random Thoughts

I don’t know what’s up today, but I am just not feeling all that together. It’s like I’m on the edge of being pissed off all the time, but I’m just too bummed out to put in the effort being mad requires. I don’t know.

I think it’s just one of those days where your democratic society is falling apart and half of the country is applauding the on coming dictatorship as if it’s actually a good thing and there is nothing you can do about it and you can’t even emigrate to someplace where the democratic society isn’t crumbling before your very eyes because if it’s happening here it’s clearly going to happen everywhere and fuck all that.

I played some guitar. It helped a little while I was doing it, but once I was done the feeling of existential dread came right back. We watched the new Pixar movie, Soul, and it was really good but the overall theme is one of existential dread so it kinda just compounded whatever crappy feeling I’m crappily feeling right now. Crap.

It’s 6:37 PM and I still have to do 27 minutes of exercise to hit my activity app goal. I don’t want to do it. I’m feeling too low. Then again, if I don’t do it I’ll feel worse.

Fuck those fucking nazis who are imploding my country. Fuck trump and his cult of toadies.

Fuck.

At least I have a triple batch of Tewksbury Tweets to binge eat while society comes unglued.