Everything is okay today. My mother is still in the hospital but she’s improved by leaps and bounds already. Maybe one more day and she’ll be good to go.
There is nothing wrong. There is nothing to be upset about. There is nothing out of whack anywhere in my little sliver of Universe.
Why then do I feel like I’m two heartbeats away from screaming?
What the fuck, bro?
Did you know that a UTI can cause changes in behavior under some circumstances? I had no idea. My mother was exhibiting behavior that was unnervingly reminiscent of the first time we went through this. False memories, confusion, all sorts of awful. She had a CT scan and I was stunned that it came back clean. Everything was the same as it was the last time.
Nope, it was just an infection. I wasn’t there, my brother and sister were in the parking lot talking to the doctors on the phone. Apparently when they said they wanted to admit her for the night, my mother lost her shit. She fought against it, really hard. She threatened to walk home. She could barely stand, never mind walk, but she was dead set against it. My father, my brother, and my sister all fought with her and she wasn’t having it. Eventually one of the doctors was able to talk her into it. Thankfully.
So she’s getting treatment for a UTI and a blockage and it’s awful, but hopefully she’s through it and we can get back to worrying about the actual cancer.
Mom is being admitted to the hospital. Today’s issues are not cancer related and that is good. There are physical and behavioral problems today. The diagnosis makes sense to me for the physical stuff but not really for the behavioral. Others in our little circle have more experience with it though and they say it makes sense. The docs do too, and they know more than I do.
I’m not at the hospital. My brother and sister are, but they are riding this out in the parking lot, speaking to the ER staff on the phone. I’m at my parents’ house. I can’t be of use directly, but I can swiffer mop the holy hell out of their bathroom and kitchen. It’s better than nothing, I guess.
My mother is having a terrible day. Is it a side effect of chemotherapy? Is it something new? Is it both?
Shit.
She’s on her way to the hospital. My father and my sister went with her but it’s doubtful they’ll get to go to the room with her. One of them, maybe. Both? Probably not.
I don’t know what to do.
My mother has a lot of nagging physical issues. Pain, in her back, in her legs, in her hips. Nothing that by itself is a problem, but all combined it makes things tough on her. She sits down until it bothers her, then she walks around until it bothers her, then she sits down… you get the idea.
Yesterday she spent over six hours plugged into an IV to get her first dose of chemo. She was sitting, but when she needed to walk around she couldn’t. By the time the treatment was done she was a mess. Ever since the brain tumor hit nine years ago, she’s had some memory issues and sometimes gets a little confused. The events of the day yesterday made that worse too.
At one point after she got home from the hospital she fell and couldn’t get up. She needed help. After that she was way worse all around. She didn’t seem to hurt herself when she fell, but it just made everything that was already bad worse. We called the doctor and got an on call doc who wasn’t much help. He tried, but he just wasn’t very helpful. Eventually we got a decent set of marching orders, and she was allowed an extra dose of pain meds. It took a few hours but she finally went to sleep. My sister stayed at my parents’ house last night just in case, but nothing happened.
That was treatment number one. I don’t know how many more there will be, but we were told that the following appointments will move much faster than the first one. We’ve got that going for us, I guess.
It’s too soon to tell, but there might be some good news. She hasn’t had any obvious side effects from the chemo yet. She handled this drug the last time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she will this time. So far so good though.
This blows.
The first day of chemotherapy is complete. How’d it go?
Well it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but it was definitely top five. Maybe top three. How many more treatments are there?
My mother is receiving her first chemotherapy treatment in just under 10 years today. My father and my sister went with her to the appointment but they didn’t let my sister in with her. They did let my father in. That’s good, but we were really hoping COVID-19 would let them both in… even though I think we all knew that wouldn’t be the case.
She is getting a dose of Rituxin. The process is going to take four to six hours. We were really hoping it would go faster than that. She took this drug the last time she went through chemo, but she took the dose along with another drug or two she had to be checked into the hospital for the other one.
I’m trying not to worry. I’m trying not to freak out. Mostly I’m doing well with that, but my mom’s getting chemo so… you know how it is.
Fingers crossed. Let’s go, science! Kick cancer’s ass. I’m rooting for you.
Inside the Red Head's Head 