It’s 6:00am here in Methuen, MA. We have to get ourselves to London, UK like right this instant.
Monty Python is doing reunion concerts and the first show is tonight! It’s like 11:00am or something there so we have to haul ass getting there.
Actual real Monty Python shows!
Remember on Thursday when I said the little lawn mower we borrowed from my father was fixed?
It was.
I have about 3/4 of the property finished. All that’s left is the part of the back yard that you cannot possibly see from the street. The mower though, has started conking out on me. It will run for anywhere from 15-20 seconds to 5 minutes before dying. Sometimes it starts right back up, other times it takes 4-5 pulls.
I’m guessing the fuel line is clogged.
It also had a screw that holds the two pieces of the handle together shake itself loose and fall off. Fortunately we have an army of lawn mowers in the garage and I was able to replace it without going to the store.
Still though… what the hell, mower?
100 years ago today Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria was assassinated by Gavrilo Princip. That was the event that quickly spiraled out of control and kicked off the First World War. The war that marked the intersection between 19th century ideas of military honor and glory with 20th century destructive technological advancements.
In the past, an infantry charge into a defense equipped with early rifles and muskets was doable thanks to the short range, inaccurate, slow to reload weapons. By 1914 those crappy defenses were replaced with machine guns. The result was mass slaughter on a scale never before imagined. Throw in poison gas, tanks, submarines, and airplanes and it’s pretty easy to see how the tactics were left in the dust.
I had never heard this, but apparently Archduke Ferdinand’s murder was a bit of a farce. He came into the city on a published itinerary, and seven assassins were waiting for him. One threw a grenade which went off behind the Archduke’s car. His driver STOPPED THE CAR to help the wounded. Meanwhile the would be killers, Princip included, failed to continue the attack and Ferdinand made it safely to his destination. Later, he and his wife tried to go to the hospital to visit people hurt in the attack. Their driver took a wrong turn and stopped to back up. It just so happened by total coincidence that Mr Gavrilo Princip randomly happened to be standing right where the car stopped. He still had his gun with him and he used it, murdering Ferdinand and his wife.
That stupidity lead to millions upon millions of deaths in one of the worst cases of human butchery we as a species have ever experienced.
The first lawn mower we had at this house was given to us by Jen’s mother and step father. It was excellent for the first year, but when I brought it out for year two something broke off (I can’t remember exactly) and it would no longer start.
We went out and bought a new mower for year two. It was a self propelled push mower. It had balls so big that it didn’t cut the grass, it terrified the grass so badly that the grass cut itself. It was also heavy and the handle was just low enough to make my ridiculously tall self have to bend over a little. Only a little, but enough that my back hurt like hell after each mowing. It worked well for year two in the new house, but when I took it out for year three it wouldn’t start (are you seeing a pattern?). It was probably just the spark plug or something dumb like that, but I couldn’t get the damn thing out to try and change it. I don’t have a socket long enough, and every time I tried to get one it would be just wrong enough to not help.
So for year three I borrowed a mower from my father. He had a new one and I took his old one. It was a small push mower that was very light. The handle was as low as my super mower but the thing overall was so light it didn’t result in back pain. That one wouldn’t start either, but it wasn’t designed by assholes and I was able to change the spark plug all by my self (like a big boy). It worked swimmingly all through year three and for the first two mows of year four (this year).
Then two weeks ago I tried to start it. It chugged weakly for a few seconds and conked out. That was it. No more mowing for that puppy. Last Thursday I took it to a small engine shop in Methuen. Today I picked it up. All better. It runs, it had a tune up, and it had it’s blade sharpened (which is good because with all the leaves in the back yard I tend to abuse those blades).
When I came home today my first thought was, “WOOHOO the mower is fixed!”
Then I thought about it for a minute and considered the implications on my weekend.
Crap, the lawn mower is fixed.
Patches, our cat, would have felt right at home in ancient Rome. Specifically, she would have been a natural in the vomitoriums.
Yeah, that specially-designed-for-sensitive-stomachs cat food we’ve been giving her has really worked well. She only barfed twice yesterday, and the pile of puke the second time weighed nearly as much as she does.
G-R-oss.
I’m at Heavenly Donuts in Methuen. The drive thru line circles the building and backs up onto the street. In store has a line all the way out the door into the parking lot.
Is the mighty Dunks in trouble?
Oh this glorious Saturday!
Oh this glorious first day of summer!
I didn’t get out of bed until 9:40. Can you believe that? I feel like a teenager again!
Well… Except for the part about my entire body being in pain for no apparent reason. That’s sort of a feel-like-a-kid buzzkill.
On the upside though, at least my face isn’t covered in zits!
When you are sitting in bad traffic and see a cop car stopped at a breakdown you expect the cop to be the source of the traffic.
Not today. Today it only got worse after passing the breakdown.
Richard Thompson’s Electric trio playing “White Room” by Cream.
This could have been a more accurate cover version if the drummer and bass player started throwing things at each other while the guitarist walked off stage for a smoke.
Otherwise this is awesome sauce.
Correction: if my step son wins tonight they play again tomorrow. If he loses tonight the other team is league champ. It’s a double elimination tourney and their opponent hasn’t lost a game yet.
Inside the Red Head's Head 