We politely asked this bird to please exit the premises and it politely said no. Well, if that’s how you want it Mr Bird then I guess we’ll just leave your insanely gigantic birdness to it then. Would you like us to bring you some water? Maybe some cigarettes?

That is a big sucker. I don’t think it’s a hawk, but I really can’t say. It looks like a hawk but the colors seem wrong. Either way, he lives here now and we are going to pay him rent so that we can stay.

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I'm wicked tall.