We had a tree growing in our rain gutter.

No, really. It was about three feet tall and branching out like crazy. We had a debate in the house over what to do with it. I was all for letting it grow to its full potential and provide us with extra shade in the front yard on hot summer days.

How’d you think that flew?

So today I had to buy a ladder so that I could get up to the gutters to pull out the four foot tall oak tree thriving on top of our house. I went with an eight foot step ladder because it would fit in my father’s van which we are borrowing while our CRV is repaired after last week’s hit and run (more like hit just barely hard enough to do a little damage and slowly drive away). Anything larger (and safer) wouldn’t have fit. I got some bungie chords too, on the off chance it stuck out enough to keep the door from closing. It didn’t.

When I got home from Lowes I hid in the corner of the living room in the hopes that my beloved wife would think that just buying a ladder was enough and that the five foot tall tree sprouting out of our house would get scared and magically relocate itself.

How’d you think that flew?

So out I go. Up the ladder. Boy there sure are a lot of leaves in the gutter. Now I want to get one of those iRobot rain gutter cleaners. How much ass would that kick? Anyway. There were a few weeds growing out of the decaying leaves. I gave ’em a yank and dropped them onto the ground, ever hopeful that I would hit a squirrel. No luck. Eventually I got the six foot tall tree. I had an axe and a two person saw. Actually, I was wearing a checkered flannel lumberjack/grunge rocker shirt just for luck.

It wasn’t a seven foot tree. It was a weed. About 18 inches tall.

Now it’s a dead weed.

Success! Who’s the rooftop gardening king, babie??