Self Torture

It’s Monday morning. I don’t have to punch into work for another hour or so. The junk pick up people are supposed to be getting here between 9:00 and 9:30. They’re going to call when they are close.

While I wait for the day to officially start, I am sitting at my desk torturing myself like some kind of schmuck. Yeah, you guessed it. I’m watching last night’s Fear the Walking Dead. Oh yeah, an episode about the kid who killed a main character in season four and was then accepted into the group without any consequences and literally marks the moment when the show became an intolerable mass of suck? Yeah, that show. How’s tonight’s episode holding up? Oh yeah, it’s just as fucking atrocious as you’d expect. At least this week’s ensign expendable isn’t actually wearing red like last week’s.

Why am I watching this god awful shit show when I could be making progress on the Marvel of it all?

Here is The Great 2022 Marvel Cinematic Universe Chronological Rewatch of 2022 Update:

  • Phase One-ish
    • Captain America: The First Avenger
    • Captain Marvel
    • Iron Man
    • The Incredible Hulk
    • Iron Man 2
    • Thor
    • Marvel’s The Avengers
  • Phase Two-ish
    • Iron Man 3
    • Thor: The Dark World
    • Captain America: The Winter Soldier
    • Guardians of the Galaxy
    • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
    • Avengers: Age of Ultron
    • Ant-Man
  • Phase Three-ish
    • Captain America: Civil War
    • Black Widow
    • Spider-Man: Homecoming
    • Black Panther
    • Doctor Strange
    • Thor: Ragnarok
    • Ant-Man and the Wasp
    • Avengers: Infinity War
    • Avengers: Endgame
    • Spider-Man: Far From Home
  • Phase four-ish
    • Eternals
    • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
    • Spider-Man: No Way Home

It took me days to get through Black Panther. I had so much stuff to do and so little time for everything else. I think I needed four sittings to get through the whole movie. It’s a great movie. The battle at the end is as good as anything the MCU had done, at least until Infinity War and Endgame. Black Panther Two is coming this year (or is it next year?), I think. I have no idea how they are going to do it without Chadwick Boseman. He made the first movie what it was.

Up next is Doctor Strange. It’s a great movie and all but it has Pink Floyd’s Interstellar Overdrive in the soundtrack and that puts it on the short list for best movie ever. Seriously. No clue when I am going to have time to watch it though. We’ll see.

So Unbelievably Terrible

I just can’t. I can’t put it into words. Tonight’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead is so bad. It’s just… sooo bad. Every episode this season has ranged between horrible and stupid. Unwatchable and ridiculous. Tonight’s episode has to be the worst of them all. I didn’t think they could do worse than the crying baby episode, but this one just blows the crying baby episode out of the water. Granted, there was a lot of crying baby in tonight’s cold open, but it actually went down from there.

Oh my god this is terrible!

The Shittiest of Shit Writing

Fear the Walking Dead is just so bad. I don’t want to give examples that would spoil the show for some poor masochist trying to self torture but…

What the fuck? How? How can writing this bad make it all the way to the screen? Why aren’t the show running moron twins putting a stop to this before it gets out of the writers room? Why isn’t the network putting a stop to it before it leaves the editing room?

Good lord how is this level of shit even possible? It’s like they are fucking with us and just trying to see how bad they can get. Really. What the fuck???

Fear is Terrible

Spoilers. Not really story spoilers but still spoilers.

Like a schmuck I did it again. I kicked off Sunday’s Fear the Walking Dead again. I only got four minutes in last time and it was awful. I’m 15 minutes in and it’s worse.

My favorite part is the claim that a fucking Ford Pinto in safe from nuclear radiation. Really. They said that. Also, within the blast zone of a nuclear bomb the roads are still clear and passable. Also, they stripped the car of everything that it doesn’t need in order to make it lighter and faster but they left the cassette deck.

What the fuck, writers?

Also, the worst show in history has a nearly constant screaming baby. Our entire existence as human beings is programmed to not be able to stand the sound of a crying baby and the worst show on television fills the first quarter of the episode with a crying baby. It’s like they are fucking with us on purpose now. They are actively trying to make us hate the show now.

Fear the Walking Bad Writing

SPOILERS AHEAD, though probably not actual plot spoilers, just scene spoilers. I’m not really sure there is a plot.

I’ve been watching Fear the Walking Dead even though it’s inexcusably awful. Over the last few weeks I haven’t been nearly as offended by the terrible quality because I’ve barely been paying attention. It’s better that way. I just popped on last night’s season finale and I just can’t ignore it anymore.

Example 1: Truck driver speeding down the highway slams on the breaks and comes to a screeching stop. When asked why, he says because the breaks just went out. Really. He slammed on the breaks to stop the truck because the truck had no breaks. Really. Honestly.

Example 2: This isn’t so much a bad writing thing as a they never learn from their mistakes and we all saw this coming thing. Season four, a pre-teen girl murders one of the main characters. The response to the crime is that there is no response. No consequences. The other characters just forgive her and move on. Including the victim’s last remaining family member. (This is definitely a spoiler right here) Season six a pre-teen girl murders one of the main characters. The response is that there is no response. No consequences. The other characters just forgive her and move on. Including the victim’s wife and father. Urgh. Now there’s still a chance that that could change (I’m only half way through the episode) but come on, assholes.

Example 3: So woman I thought we’d never seen before is in the middle of the road with a baby in a back pack on her back. She’s hurt bad and is about to die. She has a dog that randomly happens to be there and she ties herself to the dog, gags herself, and then stabs herself. The dog turns out to be Morgan’s dog even though we haven’t seen it in 100 years. It walks to where Morgan is, even though the dog has never been there before and Morgan had never been there before prior to last week’s episode. The zombified woman follows the dog because she’s tied to it. The baby is still on her back and crying like crazy. The dog manages to find Morgan even though for all we know he’s on the opposite end of Texas (Texas is big, in case you didn’t know) without the baby starving to death, suffocating in the backpack, or the zombie reaching over its own shoulder to grab it. Also, when the woman died there was a missile in the air that had just dropped the first of a handful of nuclear warheads. The woman zombifies and the dog makes it to Morgan, all in less time than it took that first warhead to explode. I mean, there is such a thing as suspension of disbelief and all but this is just friggin’ ridiculous.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that Morgan knew the zombie woman? There have been 10000 characters in the last two years. Most appear once and then magically come back at the end and we’re supposed to know who they are?

The whole damn show is written like it’s some half assed Rube Goldberg machine.

Season six is finally over. It was better than season five but only because season five was the worst piece of shit ever filmed. This was better, but not by much. Please cancel this idiocy and put us out of our misery.