FTWD Bad Writing Moment of the Week

Spoilers ahead, two paragraphs down. Nothing specific, but be warned.

Every episode of Fear the Walking Dead seems to have one moment where they tried to write something cool without having any grasp on the way things work in reality.

There was a scene tonight where they were fighting off zeds in heavy fog at night. They had been hiding inside a lighthouse. They turned on the lighthouse light in order to see what they were doing… at the base of the lighthouse… because none of the writers have ever seen how a lighthouse works.

Should I Watch or Not?

The season premier of Fear the Walking Dead starts in less than an hour. Before the start of the last season I told myself I was done and I wasn’t going to watch any more of that garbage show anymore. Then I watched the whole damn thing.

Now the moment of truth is just about on us. When the new season starts, 50 minutes from now, do I watch or not? The cliff hanger at the end of the last season was dumb. I mean… the writing… the story… it was dumb. I could add more colorful adjectives to the description but when you boil it down to its main parts, the show is just dumb. Why would I subject myself to more of that?

Completeness? Is that why I keep watching? Some sense of I was there when this started and I need to see it through? If that’s it, then it’s resulted in the television equivalent of friggin’ torture over the last two season.

I am probably going to keep watching. I think it might be like driving past a car accident now. I just rubber neck out the window at the wrecked zombie show to see just how awful it could be. I generally feel sorry for the cast. Most of them I would watch in literally any other show, but they are stuck in this professional dumpster fire with nothing to do but be jealous of the folks who drive by without getting trapped.

Yeah, I am probably going to watch. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Blast Radius

I mentioned the other day that I watched two shows recently that ended with nuclear detonations. One was an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the other was the sixth season finale of Fear the Walking Dead which was so bad it may have been worse than the movie that the Satellite of Love riffed to shreds.

I’m doing what I always do after an episode of The Walking Dead or its spinoffs, I am listening to the recap on The Walking Dead ‘Cast. It’s nice to know that the folks on the show hated the episode as much as I did (possibly even more).

When discussing how everyone magically survived the nuclear explosions they mentioned a website that is really dark and awful and yet still interesting.

Nukemap.

Enter a location on the map, select a bomb from a drop down list of known nuclear weapons, then click detonate. The map will display the areas directly affected by the explosion, including a break down of things like where the blast damage will be worst, where the fireball will extend to, how far out the damage will go.

I picked Boston because I know the area so well. Holy shit. The biggest bomb the USSR produced would have blast damage extending to Worcester in the West, Providence in the South, and Nashua in the North.

Holy shit.

I kinda wish I didn’t know that, but if you check out the site you might understand why kids who grew up in the 80’s are as screwed up as we are.

I’m Tired

I am really tired tonight but we’re going to hang out in the living room for a while and watch the tube.

Is it weird that the last two programs I watched, Fear the Walking Dead and an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 whose name I didn’t catch, both ended with a nuclear warhead detonating over American soil? Is that an omen or some shit? I keep trying to figure out what the “nuclear option” is for my parents’ healthcare. Now I’m watching bombs go off in the good ol’ USA.

Coincidence?

I need to make some music. I need my band to get back together. I don’t know if it’s possible. Covid-19 done fudged everything up.

Stupid global pandemic.

Fear the Walking Bad Writing

SPOILERS AHEAD, though probably not actual plot spoilers, just scene spoilers. I’m not really sure there is a plot.

I’ve been watching Fear the Walking Dead even though it’s inexcusably awful. Over the last few weeks I haven’t been nearly as offended by the terrible quality because I’ve barely been paying attention. It’s better that way. I just popped on last night’s season finale and I just can’t ignore it anymore.

Example 1: Truck driver speeding down the highway slams on the breaks and comes to a screeching stop. When asked why, he says because the breaks just went out. Really. He slammed on the breaks to stop the truck because the truck had no breaks. Really. Honestly.

Example 2: This isn’t so much a bad writing thing as a they never learn from their mistakes and we all saw this coming thing. Season four, a pre-teen girl murders one of the main characters. The response to the crime is that there is no response. No consequences. The other characters just forgive her and move on. Including the victim’s last remaining family member. (This is definitely a spoiler right here) Season six a pre-teen girl murders one of the main characters. The response is that there is no response. No consequences. The other characters just forgive her and move on. Including the victim’s wife and father. Urgh. Now there’s still a chance that that could change (I’m only half way through the episode) but come on, assholes.

Example 3: So woman I thought we’d never seen before is in the middle of the road with a baby in a back pack on her back. She’s hurt bad and is about to die. She has a dog that randomly happens to be there and she ties herself to the dog, gags herself, and then stabs herself. The dog turns out to be Morgan’s dog even though we haven’t seen it in 100 years. It walks to where Morgan is, even though the dog has never been there before and Morgan had never been there before prior to last week’s episode. The zombified woman follows the dog because she’s tied to it. The baby is still on her back and crying like crazy. The dog manages to find Morgan even though for all we know he’s on the opposite end of Texas (Texas is big, in case you didn’t know) without the baby starving to death, suffocating in the backpack, or the zombie reaching over its own shoulder to grab it. Also, when the woman died there was a missile in the air that had just dropped the first of a handful of nuclear warheads. The woman zombifies and the dog makes it to Morgan, all in less time than it took that first warhead to explode. I mean, there is such a thing as suspension of disbelief and all but this is just friggin’ ridiculous.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that Morgan knew the zombie woman? There have been 10000 characters in the last two years. Most appear once and then magically come back at the end and we’re supposed to know who they are?

The whole damn show is written like it’s some half assed Rube Goldberg machine.

Season six is finally over. It was better than season five but only because season five was the worst piece of shit ever filmed. This was better, but not by much. Please cancel this idiocy and put us out of our misery.

Movie #2 and More Bad TV Writing

The Godfather II was a success. The kids were more into the Vito story than the Michael story. The question now is, do we eventually watch Godfather III too? Undecided. I honestly feel that if that movie was called Random Old Mafia Guy instead of Godfather, then it would be considered a classic. It’s good, just not good enough to live up to the name. We’ll see.

Bellana asked if we could watch the first episode of Indestructible. I didn’t know anything about the story, but I did know that there is a twist at the end of the first episode that was surprisingly violent. Jen and Harry did not know that. Bellana waited until the scene in question started before she gave the warning. What a stinker, eh? It was a good episode. I’ll watch more.

So that’s the good movie/TV part of the story. Now for the bad. I’m watching last night’s Fear the Walking Dead. Why do I do this to myself? Season six episode 14 features the second appearance by this season’s big bad. That’s right. The bad guy has now been in two episodes. All of the other episodes were apparently just filler? Much like Stairway to Heaven it makes me wonder (get it? hehe)… Is this guy the big bad for season six, or is he really the big bad for season seven? Are they going to let this stupid, stupid story line go for another year? Good lord, please no!

I’m sure John Glover is a nice guy. I’m sure he has a family and loves them and treats them well. I’m sure he gives a little money to charity when he can. I’m sure if the opportunity arose he would help an old woman cross the street, and I’m sure he would never kick a puppy. I just think maybe… just maybe… it’s time for him to put the bad acting to rest for a while. Maybe it’s time to move behind the camera, or get an office job, or open a fast food restaurant franchise or something.

The CPAP Helped

I went to bed a little before midnight last night with my alarm set for 6:00. I woke up before it went off and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I had the CPAP machine on the whole time. I figured it would help, but I was still a 6.5 foot tall guy sleeping on a two seater couch and looking like a full sized person living on dollhouse furniture. How do my sleep numbers look?

Five hours and 25 minutes of sleep.
83% of that being restful! Holy Crap, that percentage is gigantic for me!
32% Heart Rate Dip! Holy Crap, that percentage is gigantic for me!

So I guess using the machine was a good move, for last night at least. The only downside is that I had to wait an hour before I could pack it up because that’s how long it takes to upload all of the data to the server. I can deal with that.


For some reason, I cannot get to the wordpress.com editor on my Vivaldi browser on my work laptop. I can do it if I open a private window and re-log in, but I can’t get to it from the main window. Weird. Maybe I’ll try logging out and logging back in again.


Sunday night television… one of the infuriating things about hate watching Fear the Walking Dead is that every once in a while they put out an episode that doesn’t suck ass. Last night’s was okay, assuming you ignore the idiotic coincidence of that character meeting that other character out of the blue. For the most part it wasn’t so bad. I almost wish it had been terrible. It’s like Lucy and Charlie Brown and the football. Uh.. uh.. we’re getting good again… here it comes… we’re getting good agai… Nope. Back to the same old awful.


Okay, it’s Monday morning. I have to finish packing up the stuff I had out last night that I don’t need during work, get my mother her 8:00am pills, and punch into work.

Have a good one, folks. May your Monday not blow chunks.

Weekly Bad Writing Post

I just popped on last night’s Fear the Walking Dead and the avalanche of ridiculous writing started in the episode summary blurb on the website.

I’m less than nine minutes in and here is what we have so far…

  • Grace (who??) has amnesia. Remember, in the first half of this season Daniel pretended he had amnesia. Ugh.
  • Grace (who??) along with amnesia suddenly wakes up in the future. Ugh
  • We know it’s the future because Morgan has white hair and a white beard. I’m not going to say it’s the worst make-an-actor-look-old make up job in history, but it’s probably top 10. That’s not writing though. The bad writing? One of the first things Morgan says is something like my memory isn’t what it used to be. Ummm… so we’re now up to three characters with the bad memory trope, and two in this very episode. What the ever loving fuck? Ugh.

I don’t feel like I’m nitpicking. If I were nitpicking I’d say so, proudly. This doesn’t feel like nitpicking, this feels like plain old awful.

I could make all this dumb go away by just not watching. It’s that simple. I just need to stop watching. Why am I still watching? I have a theory. I think I’m watching so that I can keep listening to a couple of podcasts that are hate watching. I think that’s the reason and not some unconscious desire to force suffering upon myself.

Bad television is bad.


ADDENDUM: In the grand scheme of things, this episode wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good, but when compared to everything that’s happened since the show runner swap after season three it was okay. The premise was idiotic. The writing was garbage. The acting was good, as it almost always is on this show. I just don’t understand how the actors take it. They are all better than this. Even the child actors. The writing is miles beneath them and yet they all keep coming back. Well… not all of them. We know for sure that two of the main characters have asked to be written off since the start of the fourth season. I think the miracle is that they all haven’t asked to be written off. Oh well. We’ll see how bad it gets next week.

Fear the Terrible Writing

I didn’t watch Fear the Walking Dead live last night. I was too busy hanging with Jen and Harry. I just watched the cold open on the AMC website and…

…and…

I think this might be it. I think we’ve reached the point where the writing is so incredibly dumb that I can’t watch anymore. I’ll give it to the next commercial break but… yeah, this could be it.

Addendum: This wordpress theme capitalizes all of the characters in the post title. I typed this one in with the caps lock on and didn’t notice until I posted. Sorry, I just think that’s funny.

Addendum 2: Back from the first commercial break. Oh look, a character who was added to the show more than a full season ago who has had maybe two scenes in the years that followed is having a touching family moment. Question to the writers: What about this makes you think that we care? I literally forgot this character existed and now I’m supposed to have an emotional response to this? Want to know what that is called? It’s called bad writing.

Addendum 3: Back from another commercial break. Wait a minute… so the good guy that we all forgot even existed’s family member says that his group is a bunch of good guys but after three seconds alone in his room we find out that they are actually bad guys? Oh my. What a twist that wasn’t 100% predictable at all. Hashtag sarcasm. I literally saw this twist coming before the first scene ended. I mean that literally. The writing is just that good. Hashtag sarcasm.

Addendum 4: This is how the writing process works on this show. Let’s think of a bad ass visual. Okay, how bout a bunch of zeds hanging from the ceiling with their mouths sewn shut. Super bad ass. Now lets make the characters act in whatever manner it takes to manipulate the plot to make that scene happen, regardless of whether the characters’ actions make sense or not. Aaaaaaaand scene.

Lunch Time

(Marvel spoilers in the second paragraph. You have been warned)

Just wrapping up my lunch break today. The clean up this morning went well. There are two places in our side yard that used to have crap piled up to the moon that now do not. One step closer to having a presentable yard. Sigh of relief, you know?

I’ve been listening to some podcasts today. It’s reassuring to know that my favorite Walking Dead podcast (The Walking Deadcast) is also completely fed up with Fear the Walking Dead. Sometimes it’s just helpful to know you aren’t alone. More important on the news front, I’m listening to TV Podcast Industry’s review of the season finale of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. They opened up discussing the announcement (that I completely missed) that the follow up to season one will not be season two, it will be a Captain America movie. I think that sounds like a great idea. We knew that the follow up to WandaVision was going to be a movie, the next Dr Strange movie, so it is fitting they do the same for Uncle Sam. Will the Power Broker be the villain? Will it be Elaine Benes? Is Elaine Benes a bad guy or a good guy?

Just heard that my father had a good doctors appointment today. Good news.

Okay, back to work with you.