How Can TV be This Terrible?

The Fear the Walking Dead hate watch continues for another excruciatingly painful episode.

There was an episode in the first half of this season, I think it was the mid-season finale, that if you’ve seen it you don’t have to watch last night’s episode.

Why?

Because it’s the exact same thing.

Different characters, slightly different motivation, but the exact same events. Like… exactly.

How does a network let things get this bad? It’s disgusting.

Self Torture

It’s Monday morning. I don’t have to punch into work for another hour or so. The junk pick up people are supposed to be getting here between 9:00 and 9:30. They’re going to call when they are close.

While I wait for the day to officially start, I am sitting at my desk torturing myself like some kind of schmuck. Yeah, you guessed it. I’m watching last night’s Fear the Walking Dead. Oh yeah, an episode about the kid who killed a main character in season four and was then accepted into the group without any consequences and literally marks the moment when the show became an intolerable mass of suck? Yeah, that show. How’s tonight’s episode holding up? Oh yeah, it’s just as fucking atrocious as you’d expect. At least this week’s ensign expendable isn’t actually wearing red like last week’s.

Why am I watching this god awful shit show when I could be making progress on the Marvel of it all?

Here is The Great 2022 Marvel Cinematic Universe Chronological Rewatch of 2022 Update:

  • Phase One-ish
    • Captain America: The First Avenger
    • Captain Marvel
    • Iron Man
    • The Incredible Hulk
    • Iron Man 2
    • Thor
    • Marvel’s The Avengers
  • Phase Two-ish
    • Iron Man 3
    • Thor: The Dark World
    • Captain America: The Winter Soldier
    • Guardians of the Galaxy
    • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
    • Avengers: Age of Ultron
    • Ant-Man
  • Phase Three-ish
    • Captain America: Civil War
    • Black Widow
    • Spider-Man: Homecoming
    • Black Panther
    • Doctor Strange
    • Thor: Ragnarok
    • Ant-Man and the Wasp
    • Avengers: Infinity War
    • Avengers: Endgame
    • Spider-Man: Far From Home
  • Phase four-ish
    • Eternals
    • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
    • Spider-Man: No Way Home

It took me days to get through Black Panther. I had so much stuff to do and so little time for everything else. I think I needed four sittings to get through the whole movie. It’s a great movie. The battle at the end is as good as anything the MCU had done, at least until Infinity War and Endgame. Black Panther Two is coming this year (or is it next year?), I think. I have no idea how they are going to do it without Chadwick Boseman. He made the first movie what it was.

Up next is Doctor Strange. It’s a great movie and all but it has Pink Floyd’s Interstellar Overdrive in the soundtrack and that puts it on the short list for best movie ever. Seriously. No clue when I am going to have time to watch it though. We’ll see.

Masochism

Why? Why do I choose to torture myself? What is this masochism? I started watching last night’s Fear the Walking Dead and I wasn’t even through the last-time-on before I wanted to cut my own head off. Now I’m through the cold open and I still very much want to cut my own head off.

Oh good, another season/mid-season premier that’s going to introduce a brand new character that we don’t give a flying fuck about… because that’s worked so well for these idiots in the past. He’s wearing a flannel shirt and it does have a little red in it. No one saw that coming.

Two Sunday Evening Thoughts

Two unrelated thoughts to share on this Sunday evening.

First, DJ Roomba will roll tonight. It’s been a bit of a prick the last week. It starts, it runs for a few minutes, it goes home with some whiney bitchy complaint like its dirt collector sensor is dirty or some horse shit. I think it’s just lazy and doesn’t want to work. So much for the robot uprising, right? I just cleaned the shit out of it, figuratively and literally, I guess. I think it’s clean enough to eat off of now. I don’t want to hear any complaints tonight. Just vacuum up the whole house and earn your friggin’ keep, robot.

The second Sunday evening thought is a television thought. Tonight, in about 17 minutes, the mid-season premier of Fear the Walking Dead will air. Now given that I am a compulsive television series completist, I will watch tonight’s episode. I will not, however, watch it tonight. The first half of this season was vomit inducingly bad. It’s the worst television I have ever made myself watch. I wish I could allow myself to never watch another episode of that god awful piece of shit, but this is me we’re talking about. I’ll watch it via the AMC website. Probably sometime tomorrow. I should pirate it though. I should watch it in a way that will not contribute to the ratings in any way in the hopes that AMC just puts a bullet in the show’s zombified head. Bang, done. All of the fantastic actors can go get work on shows that aren’t written by second graders with alarmingly low IQs. That’d be nice, right?

Oh! I forgot that I had a third thought for Sunday evening. Happy Easter, where applicable. It isn’t really applicable to me in any meaningful way apart from wishing people a happy Easter, and having a nice Easter dinner with the love of my life. She cooked a ham in the crock pot and she air fried some veggies and it was all delicious. Thank you, sweetie!

Okay. I will now finish my exercise for the day (13 minutes still to go) and watch me some Captain America: Civil War. Suck it, Fear the Walking Dead.

Chef Lardo

The chicken is in the oven, the veggies are all prepped. I have about 7.5 minutes before I have to start prepping the quinoa, and I typo’d the word “the” twice in the first sentence.

Yup, it’s time for bed.

It’s December 6th today and the weather is weird. It was raining and blah all day, but it was also warm. The temps were in the high 50’s. I actually thought about opening up some windows, and I had my little desktop fan on for a while. How crazy is that?

Today at lunch I read about a mini-galaxy with a black hole at the center that is almost as big as ours. That does not compute, but it is also awesomely cool. There was a lot of online buzz about the two Walking Dead shows from last night. Well… not Fear, that show was atrocious and pretty much everyone agrees. No, the item of interest happened a couple hours after the episode aired when they announced the original lead character, who was supposed to have been killed off three years ago, is coming back. Oh good. I sure the writing they use to pull that off will be stellar. Yes.

Also, lots of buzz about the end of World Beyond. Specifically the post credit scene where we visit another country for the first time, and a tie in to the original show’s season one finale. It’s interesting and all, but it seems odd to give us a cliff hanger at the end of a show that literally no longer exists. I mean, it would have worked better if they told us where we could expect the pay off to come from. As it is we know there’s a road trip spin off from the main show coming, an anthology show which seems like a convenient excuse to bring back dead characters without retconning the way the morons at Fear are about to, and a set of hypothetical, near mythical movies. Safe to assume any payoff would be in the theaters, but who the hell knows. Whatever, the end of World Beyond was pretty satisfying and on the whole the two seasons ended in a way that makes me happy I stuck with it.

Okay. Time to prep the quinoa. Enough of this TV recap bullshit. It’s time for Chef Lard Ass to get-a-cookin’!

Sunday

I made a command decision today. I am not putting christmas lights on the house this weekend. Maybe next weekend. Maybe wait until Harry comes home and gamble with the weather. I just don’t have it in me today.

The christmas present deliveries have begun in earnest. UPS and Fed Ex and Amazon all have setup distribution centers in our front yard. So far they are all getting along with each other but I am a little worried about the possibility of some sort of gang war breaking out. I’ll keep ’em in line. I used to work for UPS so if the other two gang up on them I’ll clearly side with my former people, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.

Jen is cooking a huge Sunday dinner. Robert is lucky. So very lucky.

I haven’t played any guitar today. There was a window of time this morning where I could have, but I did not. In true rock and roll fashion, I declared that 9:00am was too early and watched some Tacoma FD instead.

We have a tentatively scheduled FaceTime call with Harry in a few minutes. At some point after that we will have our glorious Sunday dinner. Maybe some guitar playing after that. And then….

…and then… it’s Sunday so you know what that means. It happens 16 times a year and tonight will be the last one for a few months… a Fear the Walking Dead hate watch. 9:00pm. Be there or be… sane. Be there or don’t be a masochist. Be there or have actual good taste in television programs. Of course at 10:00pm we get the series finale of World Beyond. They told us right off the bat that it would only be two seasons and each season would be 10 episodes. Tonight is the 10th episode of season two. The end. Fortunately, despite a rather blah first season, the second half of the second season has been pretty much out of this world. Appointment viewing. I just wish it aired before Fear.

Okay. Harry’s calling. Talk to ya’ll later.

So Unbelievably Terrible

I just can’t. I can’t put it into words. Tonight’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead is so bad. It’s just… sooo bad. Every episode this season has ranged between horrible and stupid. Unwatchable and ridiculous. Tonight’s episode has to be the worst of them all. I didn’t think they could do worse than the crying baby episode, but this one just blows the crying baby episode out of the water. Granted, there was a lot of crying baby in tonight’s cold open, but it actually went down from there.

Oh my god this is terrible!

Fear the Cold Open

I said I was going to push the Walking Dead spin offs until tomorrow, but my ears are fried and I won’t be able to get any mixes done tonight.

So it’s zombie time.

I just watched the cold open of Fear the Walking Dead. If it could have just been a tiny bit worse than the idiotic awfulness that it was then it would have been funny.

It definitely wasn’t funny. It was just awful. Like…. So awful.