Composing Topical Christmas Songs

Now that it looks like we are going to be quarantining for Christmas I feel the need to come up with some topical new Christmas carols*. I’m coming up empty though. The best I have are just parodies and they are awful. Weird Al would be so disappointed in my work.

For example, change “I want a hippopotamus** for Christmas” to “We’re going into quarantine for Christmas.” I told you it was awful.

The only other one I have right now is to change “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” to “all I want for Christmas is no quarantine” but that’s just embarrassingly bad.

I think I am going to quit while I’m ahead. Blah. I’m guessing the universe will thank me for stopping before it gets out of control.

*The reason I feel the need to come up with some topical new Christmas carols is because I need to do something to distract myself from the need to just start screaming in frustration. Covid can kiss my ass… again.

**I spelled hippopotamus correctly on the first try. I am pretty proud of myself for that.


Yesterday was Monday and somehow I was feeling optimistic about the state of the universe. Today is Tuesday and… sigh. Something about tomorrow being the start of December is messing me up today. I’m not sure exactly why, but it’s probably Covid-19 and holiday related. We’re not getting a normal Christmas for the second year in a row, which implies that our Covid Christmas is actually now the normal. Shit.

I had three projects to do at work in less than two weeks. I picked off one of them yesterday and was feeling pretty good about the state of things. Now, simply because it’s the next day, I am feeling a little defeatist about the remaining two. Why? Where is my rational brain hiding? Come out and play, brain. Pretty please?

I took the barrels out to the street this morning. The barrels are full to bursting, partly with Thanksgiving detritus, but they’ve spent the whole week in the new little shed thing so the squirrels weren’t able to get at them. 10 minutes after I took the barrels to the street I looked out the window and saw a squirrel sitting on the barrel snacking on some stuff. Sigh.

Okay. Time to punch in to work. Here’s hoping the state of the universe improves a little. Fingers crossed, folks.

Today was a Good Day

Today wasn’t the usual Christmas Eve for us, but it was still a good day. It was just the four of us rather than the extended family, but I loved every second of it. The kids are going to their dad’s tomorrow afternoon so we did the full blown Christmas dinner today. After that it was Christmas music, Christmas TV specials, Christmas sweaters, and Christmas games.

Covid-19 is a solid kick to the scrotum, but it couldn’t hold us back today.

Today was a good day. Looking forward to another good day tomorrow, now go to sleep or Santa Claus won’t come.

Can’t Blame UPS for This One

Well, it’s Christmas Eve. Time to make one last check on the straggler packages that haven’t been delivered yet. First thing I went to was The Big One (which isn’t that big, we agreed to go small this year, and we already bought a Big One that counts for Christmas so it’s all good). The estimated arrival date is now, We’ll Let You Know. I checked the tracking number with UPS and they still don’t have the package. The number is in their system, which means someone at the warehouse actually printed out a shipping label, but it hasn’t made it to UPS yet (did I mention I have a ton of experience running a business’ shipping office? I do. I have a little less experience running the receiving office, but I’ve done that too).

Someone has a birthday in early February. Do you think we’ll have the package by then? I’m not holding my breath. I got refunds for a handful of non-Christmas things I bought from Amazon that got lost in transit, but this puppy ain’t even left the building yet. You can’t blame UPS (or Fed Ex, or USPS, or whatever carrier you want to blame it on) for this one.

It’s all okay though. Like I said, we’ve already done a big gift pre-Christmas, and I have a nice placeholder for the missing Big One too, so Christmas will not be tainted any more than Covid-19 has already tainted it. We’re good.

Aside from all my bitchin’ and yakkin’, allow me to wish y’all a Merry Christmas Eve. HoHoHo.