NHL Conference Finals Predictions

The tradition has been continuing long enough that I just have to face facts. I suck at predicting the second round. I mean… I just plain suck. Royally. Certifiably.

Remember the first round? I did great in the first round. I correctly picked six of the eight series. Look at me being all 6-2 and stuff. Then comes the second round and everything falls apart.

Let us recap:

Flyers vs Islanders: Oh look at that, the Flyers lost. Welcome to the Conference finals, Islanders.

Lightning vs Bruins: Heartbreak. Devastation. I picked my hometown heroes the Boston Bruins to beat the Lightning and the Bruins lost in five. Sadness. Pain and suffering. Not only that but I got the whole Eastern Conference wrong.

Golden Knights vs Canucks: Who woulda thought that betting on Vegas would pay off, huh? I got one right. I’m not a total loser!

Avalanche vs Stars: I picked the Avalanche over the Stars and the Avalanche (who I also predicted would win the third round too) blew it and lost.

First round: 6-2
Second round: 1-3
Total so far: 7-5

At least I’m still on the upside.

So now we move on to the Conference Finals. All four teams are supposed to be in Edmonton now. Game one of the Western series is tonight at 8:00pm Eastern time, so I’d best get my picks in, eh?

In the East:

Lightning vs Islanders: Oh why don’t you just kiss my big fat ass, fate. The team that bounced my team matched up with a team from New York? How the hell do I handle that? I have to pick the Islanders because I can’t pick Tampa, even though Tampa’s probably going to win in four and then go on to the Cup Finals and win that in four. Ah hell, I have to pick with my brain instead of my heart and I hate both of these bastards anyway… shit… I’m picking the Lightning. Crap.

Over in the West:

Golden Knights vs Stars: At least this one’s easy. Well… I thought it would be easy in the last round too. I thought the Stars were cannon fodder and then there they are winning. Not this time though. Vegas is the team to be. I’m picking the Golden Knights.

And there we have it. Two more series. If I get them both wrong I’ll be exactly 50/50 for the playoffs which means I’m as accurate as a coin flip which is probably the only accurate thing I’ve thought all day.

2014 NHL Conference Finals Predictions That I No Longer Care About


I picked seven out of eight series in the first round.

In the second round I picked:
The Rangers over the Penguins. I got it right.
The Blackhawks over the Wild. I got it right. You suck, Matt Cooke.
The Kings over the Ducks. I got it right.
The Bruins over the Canadiens. I got it wrong. Choke. Epic choke. Enjoy that President’s trophy. Way to tank like assholes in games six and seven. Way to not even show up to elimination games. The last two games of the series were so bad that it wouldn’t surprise me if some of the players had money on the game. Injuries, sure, but that was just pathetic.

So I don’t give a shit about anything else.

I got three of four in the 2nd round, which brings me to 10 of 12 over all. That puts me at 83.3% which is probably the best I’ve ever done, at least since I started writing them down ahead of time. The Bruins are out of it though, so who gives a flying leap.

This sucks.

Conference Finals predictions:
Canadiens vs Rangers. I loathe them both. I pick the Rangers because they are the lesser of the two hates.
Blackhawks vs Kings. I guess I’m a Kings fan now.

Really, three of the four remaining teams are on my eternal hate list. Nice. I am so interested in the remaining results. That was sarcasm. This sucks. I might never watch another game again.