Tag: Cat

Pussy Cat

My beautiful wife and our cat were hanging out together. Into this scene walked a spider. Jen is trying to tell me it was about two inches in diameter, but I was thinking it was half an inch or so. Maybe I’m just taller and therefore further away from it so the perspective is screwy or something.

Anyway, they are sitting there and in crawls this tiny little spider. What does our vicious, savage, killer of a cat do? She runs for the hills. She gets while the getting is good. She gets the hell out of dodge.

What a pussy………………cat.

I came into the room, shoe in hand, to dispatch the interloper and there is Patches. Sitting pretty just outside the door, looking all sad and pathetic. Wow. Some big scary cousin-of-lions-and-tigers you turned out to be.

What the Hell is Up with My Foot?

This is a true story.

Really.

No kidding.

On Monday morning at about 3:45am or so I woke up.  I don’t know what woke me up, but I got out of bed and drained the lizard (pardon the metaphor) and then looked out the window to see if it was still snowing.  It wasn’t.  I then went back to bed and fell asleep right away.

At a little before 6:00am I woke up again.  The alarm had gone off and, while I had a vacation day booked and had no plans to leave the house, I got up to brush the snow off the cars so my sweet wife wouldn’t have to.  As I was trying to sit up I thought to myself that there was something wrong with my foot.  It hurt a little bit.  I then put my feet on the ground and stood up.

Holy Toledo!

Damn, did that hurt!  The pain is on top of my foot, maybe off to the side a little, just South of the big toe.  What had I done to deserve this?  I put on a shoe and it hurt a lot.  I was a little swollen, I guess.  I went outside and did my thing.  My beautiful bride left for work and I went back inside.  I changed into a dry pair of shoes and there was still some pain and discomfort but it wasn’t as bad as it had been.  I think it was because my shoes fit snugly and were offering some nice support.

Last night just before bed I took my shoes off and the pain came back.  Through the night it was bad enough to wake me up a couple of times.  Today at work I have a real limp and it hurts pretty much constantly.

So the question is, what the hell happened during the two hours or so I was sleeping between 4:00 am and 6:00 am?

I think the cat had something to do with it.  I know she’s plotting to kill me.  Duh.  I mean, what else do cats do with their time?  But in this case I think she was messing with me.  I think she performed some surgery on my foot and maybe removed a bone or a tendon or something.  Our cute little Patches is just psycho enough to try something like that.

I’ll keep a closer eye on her from now on.  I’m watching you, kitty.

I’m watching you.

Weekend To Do List

I’m three hours and 39 minutes away from the weekend. This has been a hard fought week. Being the first full week in a while, thanks to holidays and sick days, it has seemed nearly endless. The end is in sight though.

There are a few things I want to get done this weekend. Here’s my list.

First: Do everything humanly possible to make my beautiful wife Jen feel better. She’s had three doctors look at her in the last eight days and still she doesn’t feel any better. I want so bad for her to get over this. I want my sweetie to be all better.

Second: Stop coughing all the time.

Third: Get a haircut ya hippie!

Forth: Take down the Christmas decorations. It’s time.

Fifth: Get the damn tire fixed.  It was time six months ago.

Sixth: I found out why the cat runs away anytime she gets caught in the cellar.  There is a little rug we have in front of the couch.  We very rarely sit on that couch, so this has been slipping past us for a while… but there are at least three places on the rug where little miss kitty lost her lunch.  That rug has got to go away now, bye bye.

Seventh: Does the cat have a similar hiding place in one of the closets?  I need to empty it and find out.

Eighth: Relax and enjoy a full weekend with the kids.

Hopefully I’ll get at least a couple of these items done this weekend.  We shall see.

Hair Balls

That damn cat is so very lucky she’s the cutest four legged fur ball on the planet.

Yesterday I came home to a big hair ball on the living room floor. Today is the first kid day this week and both of them found hair balls on their beds. We are going to run out of sheets!

Enough is enough, Patches!

Saddest Conversations Ever

What do you call it when your family includes step children whose time is split equally with another family?  Is that a blended family?  I think that’s the proper term.  Last night we had a loss in our blended family.

My wife has two kids.  Two fantastic kids.  Two amazing kids.  They spend half of their time with us, and half of their time with their father and step mother.  I might have mentioned that a few hundred million times, but I am just clearing it up for all the new people.

In our house it’s me and my wife, the two kids, and a cat.  We had some fish there for a while, but they didn’t make it.  We also had a mouse for a couple of days, but he wasn’t exactly an invited guest.

At their father’s house they have two dogs and three cats.  One of those cats had to be put down yesterday.  Squeaky Cat, a Siamese who lived a whopping 14 years.  When the kids were dropped off at our house last night they weren’t exactly clear on the details as they were still pretty upset, but it sounds like Squeaky Cat’s kidneys were failing and she was suffering.

Both kids were very brave and very strong.  They watched the procedure and told us what happened.  They were both clearly upset by the loss, but they were handling it great.  Right up until bed time, that is.

My step son went to bed first.  He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and I happened to be walking by and noticed that he was crying.  Hugs were given, tears were shed, I told him he should focus on his happiest memories and he said that Squeaky loved jumping into boxes, especially laundry baskets.  Is there anything cuter than a cat in a laundry basket?  At one point he said one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.  He said, “I’m going to make a wish to Santa to bring Squeaky back.”  Eventually he was able to pull it together and he went to sleep.  I am very proud of how he has handled the situation.  He’s a fantastic kid.

30 minutes after my step son went to bed, my step daughter’s bed time came along.  She just walked up to me with tears beginning to well up in her eyes and leaned on me.  Again, hugs were given, tears were shed.  I asked her what her favorite memories of Squeaky Cat were and she also said Squeaky jumping into boxes.  Again, is there anything cuter?  She too got herself together and was about to go to sleep when she started crying again and asked, “Whose going to feed her?”  It was just gut wrenching, the poor thing.  Still, I am very proud of the way she handled the situation.  She too is a fantastic kid.

I’ve said it a millions times before, but I am the luckiest man alive.  The obvious reason is the way my wife and her kids have let me be a part of their family.  I couldn’t ask for anything more.  Even when it’s sad and difficult like last night was, I still could not imagine being luckier.

Rest in peace, Squeaky Cat.