Barf

Patches, whose praises I am constantly singing on this here internets page (web 2.0, babie!) just barfed up about 20 metric tonnes of puke, right where I sit during my work day.

Friggin’ cat. Thanks a pant load. Prick.

Classical Kitty

Patches, our cat, would have felt right at home in ancient Rome. Specifically, she would have been a natural in the vomitoriums.

Yeah, that specially-designed-for-sensitive-stomachs cat food we’ve been giving her has really worked well. She only barfed twice yesterday, and the pile of puke the second time weighed nearly as much as she does.

G-R-oss.

Kitty in Distress

While Jen and I prefer a clutter free environment in our house (and for the first time since we moved in, we have such an environment throughout most of the house), Ms Patches the kitty cat enjoys all the clutter she can get. Piles of laundry are great places for her to curl up and take a nap. Stacks of boxes and bags and stuff also afford a place for her to hide when the tall, fat, red head guy is walking around the house.

Now that all of that is gone from the main floor, and the kids’ bedrooms doors are closed, Ms Patches is one pissed off and confused little feline.

She thanked us for all of our hard work by barfing on the living room floor. You know, I knew that was coming today. So much so that the first thing I did when I woke up was to go looking for it.

Ah, Ms Patches. We all love you, but your stomach often pisses us off.

Feline/Human Interactions

I’ve had two moments today when the cat did something extraordinary. At least it seemed that way to a goofball like me.

Everyone knows that one of the greatest things a human being can experience is having a cat rub against their legs. When your cat rubs against your legs, whether you are sitting or standing or whatever, it makes everything in life a little bit better. It makes up for all the feeding and litter box cleaning. It just makes life happy.

This morning Patches, the wonder kitty, one upped rubbing against my legs.

She rubbed against my back.

I had just come out of the shower and I sat down on the bed to put on my socks. I was still shirtless. Now please forgive me for putting that image in your head. That is not the point of this story, it’s just a necessary fact. While I was sitting there, the cat jumped up on the bed and rubbed the entire length of her body against my lower back. Oh the bliss! The angels appeared from heaven and sang songs of the cat’s glory. It was magical, it was amazing, it was wonderful, it was glorious, it was happiness covered with fur! Then she took a couple of steps away from me, but continued to swish her tail across my back! Oh you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced that. It was sublime! Oh thank you kitty, thank you thank you thank you!

The other moment wasn’t nearly as life affirming, or Earth shattering, but it was interesting and definitely something I’ve never seen before.

I sat down on the end of the couch with my breakfast. Usually when I sit there, the cat will jump up onto the arm of the chair and then climb all over me. That in itself is pretty awesome. Sure enough, the cat jumped off of our bay window sill and came over to me. She did not, however, jump onto the arm of the chair. Instead she just looked at me for a second, dead in the eyes, and then… winked. Twice. Really, I swear she winked. She blinked her left eye once for an instant, opened it up again, and then blinked it again. She winked at me! Twice! Then she casually walked out of the room. Our cat winked at me! She’s a devilish little minx and she winked at me!

Both of these things combined go a long way toward making up for that time last week when she came within inches of barfing on my head while I slept. I get it, Patches. You’re sorry. I forgive you.

Mostly.