The Shittiest of Shit Writing

Fear the Walking Dead is just so bad. I don’t want to give examples that would spoil the show for some poor masochist trying to self torture but…

What the fuck? How? How can writing this bad make it all the way to the screen? Why aren’t the show running moron twins putting a stop to this before it gets out of the writers room? Why isn’t the network putting a stop to it before it leaves the editing room?

Good lord how is this level of shit even possible? It’s like they are fucking with us and just trying to see how bad they can get. Really. What the fuck???

FTWD Bad Writing Moment of the Week

Spoilers ahead, two paragraphs down. Nothing specific, but be warned.

Every episode of Fear the Walking Dead seems to have one moment where they tried to write something cool without having any grasp on the way things work in reality.

There was a scene tonight where they were fighting off zeds in heavy fog at night. They had been hiding inside a lighthouse. They turned on the lighthouse light in order to see what they were doing… at the base of the lighthouse… because none of the writers have ever seen how a lighthouse works.

Should I Watch or Not?

The season premier of Fear the Walking Dead starts in less than an hour. Before the start of the last season I told myself I was done and I wasn’t going to watch any more of that garbage show anymore. Then I watched the whole damn thing.

Now the moment of truth is just about on us. When the new season starts, 50 minutes from now, do I watch or not? The cliff hanger at the end of the last season was dumb. I mean… the writing… the story… it was dumb. I could add more colorful adjectives to the description but when you boil it down to its main parts, the show is just dumb. Why would I subject myself to more of that?

Completeness? Is that why I keep watching? Some sense of I was there when this started and I need to see it through? If that’s it, then it’s resulted in the television equivalent of friggin’ torture over the last two season.

I am probably going to keep watching. I think it might be like driving past a car accident now. I just rubber neck out the window at the wrecked zombie show to see just how awful it could be. I generally feel sorry for the cast. Most of them I would watch in literally any other show, but they are stuck in this professional dumpster fire with nothing to do but be jealous of the folks who drive by without getting trapped.

Yeah, I am probably going to watch. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Fear the Walking Bad Writing

SPOILERS AHEAD, though probably not actual plot spoilers, just scene spoilers. I’m not really sure there is a plot.

I’ve been watching Fear the Walking Dead even though it’s inexcusably awful. Over the last few weeks I haven’t been nearly as offended by the terrible quality because I’ve barely been paying attention. It’s better that way. I just popped on last night’s season finale and I just can’t ignore it anymore.

Example 1: Truck driver speeding down the highway slams on the breaks and comes to a screeching stop. When asked why, he says because the breaks just went out. Really. He slammed on the breaks to stop the truck because the truck had no breaks. Really. Honestly.

Example 2: This isn’t so much a bad writing thing as a they never learn from their mistakes and we all saw this coming thing. Season four, a pre-teen girl murders one of the main characters. The response to the crime is that there is no response. No consequences. The other characters just forgive her and move on. Including the victim’s last remaining family member. (This is definitely a spoiler right here) Season six a pre-teen girl murders one of the main characters. The response is that there is no response. No consequences. The other characters just forgive her and move on. Including the victim’s wife and father. Urgh. Now there’s still a chance that that could change (I’m only half way through the episode) but come on, assholes.

Example 3: So woman I thought we’d never seen before is in the middle of the road with a baby in a back pack on her back. She’s hurt bad and is about to die. She has a dog that randomly happens to be there and she ties herself to the dog, gags herself, and then stabs herself. The dog turns out to be Morgan’s dog even though we haven’t seen it in 100 years. It walks to where Morgan is, even though the dog has never been there before and Morgan had never been there before prior to last week’s episode. The zombified woman follows the dog because she’s tied to it. The baby is still on her back and crying like crazy. The dog manages to find Morgan even though for all we know he’s on the opposite end of Texas (Texas is big, in case you didn’t know) without the baby starving to death, suffocating in the backpack, or the zombie reaching over its own shoulder to grab it. Also, when the woman died there was a missile in the air that had just dropped the first of a handful of nuclear warheads. The woman zombifies and the dog makes it to Morgan, all in less time than it took that first warhead to explode. I mean, there is such a thing as suspension of disbelief and all but this is just friggin’ ridiculous.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that Morgan knew the zombie woman? There have been 10000 characters in the last two years. Most appear once and then magically come back at the end and we’re supposed to know who they are?

The whole damn show is written like it’s some half assed Rube Goldberg machine.

Season six is finally over. It was better than season five but only because season five was the worst piece of shit ever filmed. This was better, but not by much. Please cancel this idiocy and put us out of our misery.

Weekly Bad Writing Post

I just popped on last night’s Fear the Walking Dead and the avalanche of ridiculous writing started in the episode summary blurb on the website.

I’m less than nine minutes in and here is what we have so far…

  • Grace (who??) has amnesia. Remember, in the first half of this season Daniel pretended he had amnesia. Ugh.
  • Grace (who??) along with amnesia suddenly wakes up in the future. Ugh
  • We know it’s the future because Morgan has white hair and a white beard. I’m not going to say it’s the worst make-an-actor-look-old make up job in history, but it’s probably top 10. That’s not writing though. The bad writing? One of the first things Morgan says is something like my memory isn’t what it used to be. Ummm… so we’re now up to three characters with the bad memory trope, and two in this very episode. What the ever loving fuck? Ugh.

I don’t feel like I’m nitpicking. If I were nitpicking I’d say so, proudly. This doesn’t feel like nitpicking, this feels like plain old awful.

I could make all this dumb go away by just not watching. It’s that simple. I just need to stop watching. Why am I still watching? I have a theory. I think I’m watching so that I can keep listening to a couple of podcasts that are hate watching. I think that’s the reason and not some unconscious desire to force suffering upon myself.

Bad television is bad.

ADDENDUM: In the grand scheme of things, this episode wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good, but when compared to everything that’s happened since the show runner swap after season three it was okay. The premise was idiotic. The writing was garbage. The acting was good, as it almost always is on this show. I just don’t understand how the actors take it. They are all better than this. Even the child actors. The writing is miles beneath them and yet they all keep coming back. Well… not all of them. We know for sure that two of the main characters have asked to be written off since the start of the fourth season. I think the miracle is that they all haven’t asked to be written off. Oh well. We’ll see how bad it gets next week.

Fear the Terrible Writing

I didn’t watch Fear the Walking Dead live last night. I was too busy hanging with Jen and Harry. I just watched the cold open on the AMC website and…


I think this might be it. I think we’ve reached the point where the writing is so incredibly dumb that I can’t watch anymore. I’ll give it to the next commercial break but… yeah, this could be it.

Addendum: This wordpress theme capitalizes all of the characters in the post title. I typed this one in with the caps lock on and didn’t notice until I posted. Sorry, I just think that’s funny.

Addendum 2: Back from the first commercial break. Oh look, a character who was added to the show more than a full season ago who has had maybe two scenes in the years that followed is having a touching family moment. Question to the writers: What about this makes you think that we care? I literally forgot this character existed and now I’m supposed to have an emotional response to this? Want to know what that is called? It’s called bad writing.

Addendum 3: Back from another commercial break. Wait a minute… so the good guy that we all forgot even existed’s family member says that his group is a bunch of good guys but after three seconds alone in his room we find out that they are actually bad guys? Oh my. What a twist that wasn’t 100% predictable at all. Hashtag sarcasm. I literally saw this twist coming before the first scene ended. I mean that literally. The writing is just that good. Hashtag sarcasm.

Addendum 4: This is how the writing process works on this show. Let’s think of a bad ass visual. Okay, how bout a bunch of zeds hanging from the ceiling with their mouths sewn shut. Super bad ass. Now lets make the characters act in whatever manner it takes to manipulate the plot to make that scene happen, regardless of whether the characters’ actions make sense or not. Aaaaaaaand scene.