How Can TV be This Terrible?

The Fear the Walking Dead hate watch continues for another excruciatingly painful episode.

There was an episode in the first half of this season, I think it was the mid-season finale, that if you’ve seen it you don’t have to watch last night’s episode.

Why?

Because it’s the exact same thing.

Different characters, slightly different motivation, but the exact same events. Like… exactly.

How does a network let things get this bad? It’s disgusting.

Self Torture

It’s Monday morning. I don’t have to punch into work for another hour or so. The junk pick up people are supposed to be getting here between 9:00 and 9:30. They’re going to call when they are close.

While I wait for the day to officially start, I am sitting at my desk torturing myself like some kind of schmuck. Yeah, you guessed it. I’m watching last night’s Fear the Walking Dead. Oh yeah, an episode about the kid who killed a main character in season four and was then accepted into the group without any consequences and literally marks the moment when the show became an intolerable mass of suck? Yeah, that show. How’s tonight’s episode holding up? Oh yeah, it’s just as fucking atrocious as you’d expect. At least this week’s ensign expendable isn’t actually wearing red like last week’s.

Why am I watching this god awful shit show when I could be making progress on the Marvel of it all?

Here is The Great 2022 Marvel Cinematic Universe Chronological Rewatch of 2022 Update:

  • Phase One-ish
    • Captain America: The First Avenger
    • Captain Marvel
    • Iron Man
    • The Incredible Hulk
    • Iron Man 2
    • Thor
    • Marvel’s The Avengers
  • Phase Two-ish
    • Iron Man 3
    • Thor: The Dark World
    • Captain America: The Winter Soldier
    • Guardians of the Galaxy
    • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
    • Avengers: Age of Ultron
    • Ant-Man
  • Phase Three-ish
    • Captain America: Civil War
    • Black Widow
    • Spider-Man: Homecoming
    • Black Panther
    • Doctor Strange
    • Thor: Ragnarok
    • Ant-Man and the Wasp
    • Avengers: Infinity War
    • Avengers: Endgame
    • Spider-Man: Far From Home
  • Phase four-ish
    • Eternals
    • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
    • Spider-Man: No Way Home

It took me days to get through Black Panther. I had so much stuff to do and so little time for everything else. I think I needed four sittings to get through the whole movie. It’s a great movie. The battle at the end is as good as anything the MCU had done, at least until Infinity War and Endgame. Black Panther Two is coming this year (or is it next year?), I think. I have no idea how they are going to do it without Chadwick Boseman. He made the first movie what it was.

Up next is Doctor Strange. It’s a great movie and all but it has Pink Floyd’s Interstellar Overdrive in the soundtrack and that puts it on the short list for best movie ever. Seriously. No clue when I am going to have time to watch it though. We’ll see.

Masochism

Why? Why do I choose to torture myself? What is this masochism? I started watching last night’s Fear the Walking Dead and I wasn’t even through the last-time-on before I wanted to cut my own head off. Now I’m through the cold open and I still very much want to cut my own head off.

Oh good, another season/mid-season premier that’s going to introduce a brand new character that we don’t give a flying fuck about… because that’s worked so well for these idiots in the past. He’s wearing a flannel shirt and it does have a little red in it. No one saw that coming.

Two Sunday Evening Thoughts

Two unrelated thoughts to share on this Sunday evening.

First, DJ Roomba will roll tonight. It’s been a bit of a prick the last week. It starts, it runs for a few minutes, it goes home with some whiney bitchy complaint like its dirt collector sensor is dirty or some horse shit. I think it’s just lazy and doesn’t want to work. So much for the robot uprising, right? I just cleaned the shit out of it, figuratively and literally, I guess. I think it’s clean enough to eat off of now. I don’t want to hear any complaints tonight. Just vacuum up the whole house and earn your friggin’ keep, robot.

The second Sunday evening thought is a television thought. Tonight, in about 17 minutes, the mid-season premier of Fear the Walking Dead will air. Now given that I am a compulsive television series completist, I will watch tonight’s episode. I will not, however, watch it tonight. The first half of this season was vomit inducingly bad. It’s the worst television I have ever made myself watch. I wish I could allow myself to never watch another episode of that god awful piece of shit, but this is me we’re talking about. I’ll watch it via the AMC website. Probably sometime tomorrow. I should pirate it though. I should watch it in a way that will not contribute to the ratings in any way in the hopes that AMC just puts a bullet in the show’s zombified head. Bang, done. All of the fantastic actors can go get work on shows that aren’t written by second graders with alarmingly low IQs. That’d be nice, right?

Oh! I forgot that I had a third thought for Sunday evening. Happy Easter, where applicable. It isn’t really applicable to me in any meaningful way apart from wishing people a happy Easter, and having a nice Easter dinner with the love of my life. She cooked a ham in the crock pot and she air fried some veggies and it was all delicious. Thank you, sweetie!

Okay. I will now finish my exercise for the day (13 minutes still to go) and watch me some Captain America: Civil War. Suck it, Fear the Walking Dead.

Spoiler Free Idiocy

So first they kept the only character left from the pilot out of the show until the final minutes of the seventh episode of the eight episode arc, and then they make her stupid in ways that no one has been stupid since the third season of the original show, and even that guy wasn’t so much stupid as naive.

Writers…. What the fuck? Eleven seasons of the original show, six+ seasons of Fear, and two seasons of World Beyond, all on top of 193 issues of the comic, and the best character this show has is suddenly less aware of the situation than she was in the fucking pilot?

What. The. Fuck?

Fear the Cold Open

I said I was going to push the Walking Dead spin offs until tomorrow, but my ears are fried and I won’t be able to get any mixes done tonight.

So it’s zombie time.

I just watched the cold open of Fear the Walking Dead. If it could have just been a tiny bit worse than the idiotic awfulness that it was then it would have been funny.

It definitely wasn’t funny. It was just awful. Like…. So awful.

The Shittiest of Shit Writing

Fear the Walking Dead is just so bad. I don’t want to give examples that would spoil the show for some poor masochist trying to self torture but…

What the fuck? How? How can writing this bad make it all the way to the screen? Why aren’t the show running moron twins putting a stop to this before it gets out of the writers room? Why isn’t the network putting a stop to it before it leaves the editing room?

Good lord how is this level of shit even possible? It’s like they are fucking with us and just trying to see how bad they can get. Really. What the fuck???

Hate Watch Underway

I just got through the cold open of tonight’s Fear the Walking Dead. It was all exposition but the signs are already pointing to this being the worst episode yet. Wow.

I said a prayer to Dionysus (the Greek god of theater) that it’s not as bad as it seems, but just as I was typing that last sentence my AMC live stream failed.

That sounds like an omen to me.