Oh Sweet Merciful Monday, It Is Finally Over!

Fear the Walking Dead is Over! The series has completed! After eight seasons, the last five of which are the worst television ever produced, they have finally put us out of our misery!

The last two episodes aired last night. I watched them this morning while exercising and eating breakfast and good lord they were AWEFUL. I mean… Holy shit, were they terrible! I was literally laughing out loud at the majority of the “dramatic” moments. The writing was so atrocious that it was funny. Not funny in a good way, but funny in an “I can’t believe how pathetic this is, how did this garbage make it to the air” kind of way.

Who cares though, the show is over. It will never come back again. Stick a fork in it, it’s done! I am so happy for the members of the cast who are now free to work on good TV shows and movies and literally anything they want without ever having to work on this shit heap of idiocy ever again. You are free, people! You are finally and mercifully free!

I feel so relieved. I no longer have to question my sanity as I hate watch the worst show on television, purely for the sake of completeness. This once fantastic show turned into a rusting, leaking, septic tank of bad and I no longer feel compelled to watch another second.

We are all free! We are all freed from the tyranny of the terrible TV show! Rejoice! Rejoice!

Fear the Walking Exposition

I am going to talk about how awful last night’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead was… again. I don’t think I am going to spoil anything because nothing happened so there was nothing to spoil, but if you’re watching the show and haven’t seen last night’s episode you should probably stop reading.

I’ll give you a second to decide.

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Okay… so… When I was in college I took a creative writing course. I had one phrase drilled into my tiny little brain: Show Don’t Tell. When you’re writing, don’t tell the readers what’s happening, show them. Describe the events as they happen, don’t just have the characters say what’s going on.

The writers of last night’s episode never took that creative writing class. Basically the entire episode is Tell Don’t Show. It’s about 40 minutes of exposition. That is inexcusable in any television situation, but here? There are only two more episodes in the entire series after last night, and they spent 40 minutes on exposition?

They also introduced new characters last night. Really. A whole new group. The story tells us that they met a major character last season… after the actor left the show and was supposed to be dead… What. The. Fuck?

Every week I say that the new episode is as bad as it could possibly get. Every week’s new episode tops the prior week in terribleness. Once again, this is the worst episode imaginable. Unforgivably bad.

Fear the Walking Dumpster Fire

Every time I torture myself with a new episode of Fear the Walking Dead I go into it with the thought that however bad it will be, and I know it will be insultingly awful, at least it can’t be as bad as the last episode. Nothing could be worse than the last horrid piece of shit television that was the last episode.

Then the new episode is so awful, so terrible, so disgustingly bad, that it not only is worse than the previous episode, it is worse by miles and miles. It is so much worse that I feel like I have just eaten mud. It is so much worse that I feel like I have just punched a puppy in the face with brass knuckles.

It just happened again. I just finished last night’s new episode and it was so much worse than last week’s, and last week’s was the worst episode I’ve ever forced myself to watch.

What the actual fuck, AMC? How do you let this utter shit on the air? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Fear the Walking MacBook

I haven’t watched last night’s Fear the Walking Dead episode. Let me rephrase, I haven’t bitterly hate watched last night’s Fear the Walking Dead episode. I have to watch it tonight. Why? Because I need it to go away and I don’t want to wait any longer. Let’s get the garbage overwith.

There’s a Bruins game on tonight though. I’d rather watch that. There’s a World Series game too and I’d rather watch that. Strangely, there is also an Apple event. Rumor has it they are going to announce new MacBook Pros with M3 chips. I would rather watch that too.

Nope. At some point tonight I am going to ignore all of the good things available and watch the new episode of the worst television show I’ve ever subjected myself to. What the hell is wrong with me?

Dumb

I am about to do something really dumb. Like… I can’t even believe how dumb it is.

I just brought up the AMC app on my AppleTV. I am going to watch last night’s mid-season premier of Fear the Walking Dead.

This once great show has deteriorated into the worst show I’ve ever subjected myself to. It is as awful as awful can get. Unfortunately for me when it comes to television I am kind of a completest. I started watching The Walking Dead ages ago and have since seen every episode of every series. I can’t really stop now just because one spin off has puked all over itself and now sucks more than any television show has ever sucked before.

I started the episode. I am not even through the cold open yet and already I have thrown up in my mouth in disgust at the horrible writing three times.

Why do I keep torturing myself with shitty TV? Why?

Fear the Walking Loose Ends

As usual, spoilers for Fear the Walking Dead (Season eight, episode four specifically but also a couple of episodes of the original show, The Walking Dead, including the pilot).

I started jogging (pronounced “yogging”) this morning while watching season five of Star Wars The Clone Wars. Season four was weaker than I expected. Much of season five was weak too, but I’m down to the last five episodes and a big story line is just ramping up so it’s better.

As I was trot trot trotting to Boston, trot trot trotting to Lynn (get it?) a notification popped up on my screen. The Talking Dead podcast released its recap of Sunday night’s Fear the Walking Dead. I was doing a good job pretending the episode didn’t exist but seeing that notification just made me have to watch it. Shit.

There was potential for this episode to be something really special. I still have 15 minutes to go but it’s turned into its usual dumb failure. Congratulations, Fear. You suck again.

The premise is that Morgan went back to the setting of the original show’s pilot to tie up a loose end that has been hanging since that very first episode of The Walking Dead. Well… technically it’s been hanging since season three when Rick and Carl and Michonne went back to Rick’s home town looking for guns and found Morgan out of his brain insane, but it still sort of ties back to the pilot so we’re going with that.

The current show takes place in Louisiana, I think. It might be Mississippi. Someplace in the South, East of Texas, that’s all we know for sure. The genius writing staff hasn’t seen fit to tell us specifically, but we know that much. In this episode, Morgan goes on a secret mission back to Georgia. He doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going. He doesn’t tell anyone that he actually is going, he just goes. Magically, five of the season eight regulars and two expendable baddies find him. I say magically, because the reason they find him is the walkie talkies. Oh, and at one point the expendable baddies use the walkie talkie to call from Georgia to wherever the bad guy headquarters are in Louisiana or Mississippi or wherever. I’m guessing that particular piece of utter stupidity is the real reason the writers haven’t told us exactly where the baddies live.

This show blows. What a waste.

Fear the Walking Reddit (Spoilers Ahead)

Major Fear the Walking Dead Spoilers ahead. If you’re planning to watch this incredibly terrible show, stop reading. You have been warned.

Back in the days of the first two seasons of Fear the Walking Dead I was at the height of my use of Reddit. I went to the Fear subreddit after every episode and chimed in on the episode specific post. I was one of the few positive people. Most people were really down on the show but there were a few of us who were optimistic.

During season three, when the show hit it’s meteoric peak, I started drifting away from Reddit. I don’t think I visited very often, but the few times I did it was clear everyone was loving the show. Well, most everyone.

For the last few weeks I have been logging in and giving a short list of things that were especially stupid in my eyes. There were some seriously stupid things in this week’s episode. This is what I posted:

My favorite idiotic moments from this episode:

All of the focus on the radios, but that’s every episode so it doesn’t count for this one.

When the walkers ate Daddy Padre and he just stood there calmly while they were eating him. Bonus points for his very much un-eaten walker self wandering around later in the episode because the swarm of walkers didn’t eat him, they just bit him a couple of times and then fucked off.

Madison smashes the mirror and everyone sees Padre brother in the office and they all act like they know exactly who he is. Not a single character had the obvious reaction of, “who the fuck is this clown?”

Daniel’s memory is back? Because of tea? My mother died in February after years of dementia destroyed her brain. I am fucking insulted by this little story line. I really wish my mother could have saved her life with that fucking tea. Fuck you, Fear. Fuck you right in your fucking eye.

I think there are 10 episodes left, right? I don’t think I am going to make it. I am just hate watching for completeness sake now, but I barely made it to the opening credits without screaming at the screen. This is literally, objectively, unequivocally the worst show ever.

Me

In explanation, the stuff with the radios. We’re supposed to be something like 10-15 years after the fall of civilization and every single character on Earth (according to the show) carries a walkie-talkie that works perfectly and has a battery that still charges without issue and they all talk to each other on the same frequency. It’s utterly idiotic.

Further explanation, last season they talked about a secret location called Padre. Now, magically, we find out that Padre isn’t a place, it’s a person. Or it’s a place. It might be two or three people. It might be two or three people and a place. Or a place. The show can’t seem to decide. Daddy Padre is the original Padre. Padre brother might be the current Padre, or his sister is, or both he and his sister are, or neither of them is. We can’t really tell because the show keeps changing its mind.

Daniel is a season one character. He was awesome in season one. He started getting a little mentally unstable in season two. He’s dealing with something that looks a lot like early stage dementia by season four or five. In this week’s episode he makes his first season eight appearance and he’s basically back to his season one self. He sort of credits his return to mental clarity to a drink that he’s slurping as he walks down the street. It’s so fucking insulting.

My post ignores the real dumbest thing in the episode. The bad guys kidnap kids from their parents to spare them the pain of their parents dying. So to keep them from suffering the loss of their parents… they lose their parents. I shit you not, that is the bad guy’s justification. Someone wrote that, and someone else said it was okay to film it and put it on television. Again, I shit you not.

I really don’t know if I am going to be able to continue hate watching this show. I don’t think I can take it. In my Reddit post I said there were 10 episodes left. There are actually only nine. There is a mid-season break, and one of the new Walking Dead spinoffs is going to debut during that break (Dead City, the one where Maggie and Negan go to Manhattan) and that show might actually be really good (I hope). So maybe I can fight through it. If I do, there are likely to be a lot of venting and bitching posts around here. Probably on the Reddits too.

You have been warned.

I Don’t Think I Can Do It

I just put on last night’s episode of Fear the Walking Dead. I haven’t even made it to the opening credits yet and I’m already so bored. It’s just awful, awful, awful.

There are only 10 episodes left in the series (I think) and I just can’t handle it.

I don’t think I am going to be able to make it to the end. Completist be damned, this show is just too terrible to stomach. I really don’t think I can take any more.

Fear is Back… Unfortunately

Fear the Walking Dead’s eighth and final season kicked off last night. I’m watching the episode now as I close my exercise ring on this Monday morning.

Why, oh why do I keep doing this to myself?

Why is being a TV show completist even a thing? Why am I compelled to watch what is clearly the worst show on television, and quite possibly the worst show in the history of television? This show hasn’t been anything other than awful since the second half of season four. This is the start of season eight and I am still torturing myself.

Why?

Ten minutes into the season premier and it was clear that all of the things that made seasons five, six, and seven unbearably terrible are still in play. After three seasons of shit, we’re still introducing new characters in the opening segments, they are still somehow… I don’t even know. It’s just stupidity, left and right. I still have five minutes to go and the walkie-talkie count is up to about nine, I think. Fear the Walkie-Talkie.

This show couldn’t possibly suck more, and yet here I am watching. What a fucking idiot.

How Can TV be This Terrible?

The Fear the Walking Dead hate watch continues for another excruciatingly painful episode.

There was an episode in the first half of this season, I think it was the mid-season finale, that if you’ve seen it you don’t have to watch last night’s episode.

Why?

Because it’s the exact same thing.

Different characters, slightly different motivation, but the exact same events. Like… exactly.

How does a network let things get this bad? It’s disgusting.