It has been a little over four years since I had gastric bypass surgery. In the immediate aftermath I struggled with some food hangups. I remember the first time I went grocery shopping after the surgery and I had a bag of chips on my list. I stood at the end of the huge chips aisle at (one of) the Market Basket in Salem, NH and I just couldn’t bring myself to step inside. I froze a little. I was afraid to be around a massive pile of junk food. It was completely irrational but it happened.
That was a long time ago, but I had a bit of a similar moment today. First off, some rules that I have to follow. I can’t have food and drink together anymore. If I have a drink I have to wait 15 minutes before I can have food. If I have food I have to wait a whole hour before I can have a drink. Also, the whole point of the surgery is to make it so a small amount of food fills your stomach to the point where you can’t eat anything else.
Today I had breakfast, then about an hour and a half later I was in the car driving to work and stuck in traffic. I ate a sleeve of Ritz Crackers to hold me over for a while. When I got to the office I immediately jumped onto a conference call with about 25–30 other people. I was still in my window of one hour after eating before I could drink anything, and I was feeling kinda parched so I didn’t want to eat anything more and thus delay when I could crack open my bottle of Crystal Light lemonade that I brought in with me.
The weirdness came from the video conference. One guy spoke for a few seconds and then took a drink from a water bottle. The next person to talk spoke for a minute or so and then ate a couple of spoonfuls of cereal. The next person took a gulp from a water bottle. It kept happening. Someone’s face would pop onto the screen and I would see them eat or drink. It actually started freaking me out a little. I really wanted a drink but couldn’t have one. I also really wanted to eat something but couldn’t let myself eat anything at that time. You’d think that after four years with my rewired guts I wouldn’t find myself staring longingly at someone else’s breakfast, but there I was.
It was strange. I guess I have to come to grips with the fact that, while this doesn’t happen often now, this sort of thing is going to jump up and bite me on the nose every now and then. I wouldn’t change anything that I’ve done, but still… it’s a weird new world I’m living in.
Inside the Red Head's Head 
This is a very honest and quietly powerful reflection.
What makes it stand out is how candidly it captures the “in-between” moments of long-term change—not the dramatic transformation after surgery, but the small, everyday situations where old instincts and new realities collide. The detail of watching others eat and drink on a video call adds a striking sense of dissonance that many people would never think to articulate.
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