New Years Day

The New Year has arrived. Happy January 1, 2022 (2020 too, and yes I expect to write it that way forever).

2020 was the most difficult year of my life, thanks to Covid-19, and when it ended I was elated and hopeful for the future. There was a vaccine and soon enough we’d all have it and Covid-19 would be over.

2021 turned out worse. All of that elation was for nothing. We are in a worse situation than ever, Covid-ily speaking, and my parents had such a terrible time health wise that I spent most of the year cycling through feelings of heartbreak, anxiety, frustration, anger (at myself), and crushingly crippling guilt. I managed to make life worse for pretty much everyone I care about.

So if you’re wondering why I am so happy to put 2021 behind us… there you go.

2022 (2020 too) is a welcome change, even though it is literally meaningless, but I don’t feel the optimism I felt last year. Right now I feel a sense of impending doom. How much worse can things get? What will the next nightmare turn out to be? Will Covid-19 mutate into something worse, like a zombie virus? Will Aliens invade and turn us into gourmet meals? Will Bill Gates activate the microchips and melt what’s left of our brains?

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I have a few resolution-type things. More like goals than resolutions.

  • Weight. In a couple of weeks I will go to Lowell General Hospital to drop off some paperwork. Next month I will have a Zoom appointment to start the weight loss surgery process. I am utterly terrified of this. I tried to do it once before and cancelled the first appointment out of fear. I couldn’t deal with it. The difference this time is I am more terrified of not doing it. It’s time. I can’t keep living like this. The goal then is to get to the end and have the surgery and then follow the proper post-surgical requirements. We postponed Harry’s graduation present/trip to Disney World that was supposed to happen during the summer of 2020. It is now planned for January 2023. I want all of this to be behind me by then. If it’s not then I’ll deal, but that’s my hope.
  • Get my parents’ house ready to sell. I had planned on chipping away at this over the last few months but my back has been in such bad shape I haven’t had it in me (see the previous entry on the list). Also, Covid. Shit. I don’t want to let anyone down again. I want to do this right.
  • Play with the band again. It’s not a want. It’s a need. It’s a mental health thing. I need this. We were talking about the possibility of a get together a month or so ago, but then omicron ass fucked everything. Now? I don’t know.
  • See the Harry Potter reunion special. This one is totally attainable. In fact, I am going to hit post and go watch it now.

Happy New Year, everyone!