I’m a little surprised by how many of these suckers I have, given that for the longest time I never made a resolution. Here goes.
First: Lose weight. I did such a good job shedding weight at the start of 2018. I was so proud of myself. Then I fell off the wagon and put all the weight back and then some. If you take an overweight person and multiply them by two, then you have me. I need to lose weight and I need to keep losing weight and I need to not put it back. This yo-yo crap has to stop. I don’t want to die of a heart attack triggered by trying to push my ass off of the couch. That’s where we are heading and it’s time to stop it. I am even considering surgical options, though I have to get through my next resolution before I go there.
Second: Sleep apnea. Is that what I have? Is it a deviated septum? Are they the same thing or just different sides of the same coin? I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t sleep much, but when I do I make so much noise that no one around me can sleep. I have a doctors appointment booked for a couple of weeks from now. We’ll see how it goes. Do I need surgery? Will my weight allow me to have surgery? Is there a non-surgical remedy? I don’t know. I’ll find out and get back to you.
Third: Fix the cellar. Our cellar is a mess. It was a mess before we turned our garage into a bedroom, but when that process started all of the stuff stored in the garage made it’s way to the cellar. A bad situation got much, much worse. I used to have a second living room setup in the cellar but it was rarely used. As a result, it never got cleaned. Now we have inches deep layers of dust over everything (that’s an exaggeration) and just piles of stuff on every available surface. Worse than all of that are the bugs. Our house is in the woods. Insects are to be expected. We know that, but the spiders basically run the joint now. They stay down in the basement because there’s so much to keep them down there. I need to get a shed for the stuff that used to be in the garage, then I need to fix the overhead lighting (which might require an electrician, but I hope not), then I need to find places for all of the stuff being stored down there that doesn’t go to the hypothetical shed, then I need to clean every surface including the floors and the furniture, then I need to talk to an exterminator and see if we can rid ourselves of the creepy crawlies, then I need to arrange the space in such a way that it is useful. Fix the living room area, make a board game area, make a music area. When I started talking to Jen about this she mentioned carpets, so that might happen too. This one just keeps getting worse and worse the more I think about it.
Now we have a bunch of little ones…
Fourth: Bitch less. Come on Rob, you’re turning into an asshole in middle age. Cut the crap.
Fifth: Practice more. I’m tired of being the guy who shows up to rehearsals unprepared. Again, cut the crap.
Sixth: Work harder. Be more proactive. Take more initiative. Be better with deadlines. Be better at your job.
Seventh: Finally get off your ass and learn how to code in Ruby. Do people still code in Ruby? For some reason I’ve had that language as a goal for years and years and I’ve never gotten very far with it. Get it done.
Eighth: Be in better shape. This one goes along with number two. We’re going back to Disney World this summer. Get yourself into a state where walking a few miles a day around the parks is not a death sentence.
Ninth: Be a better person. How about a little optimism for a change? Be the opposite of the fascist pigs that are sprouting up everywhere we look in this age of trump. Be the decent human that they fear.
Nine resolutions. What the hell am I thinking? Wish me luck.