Tag: screaming

It is Ramping Up Now

Nothing bad really happened on last night’s parent sitting shift. My mother had pain issues but she eventually went to sleep and slept through the night. My father was fine.

It’s ramping up now though. It’s 8:21am and they both are having problems and I can already tell it’s going to be a colossally shitty day. The home health worker gets here around 9:00, and I am coming back to work after two days off.

So far the only issues have mostly revolved around one parent taking too long in the bathroom which causes problems for the other parent. Happy morning, everyone. My sister is supposed to be coming with a delivery at some point today. My schedule looks clear in the afternoon so hopefully work stays quiet enough to let that go smoothly.

My general mindset right now is the same as it is pretty much every second I spend here. I feel like I am going to start screaming, and when I start I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop.

Scream

Where is a good place for me to go where I can just scream and scream and scream until it all goes away? I could just do it at the dining room table, but that would freak everyone around me out. I don’t want to do that. I could do it in the woods behind my house but that might freak out the neighbors. I could do it in the car, but it will probably be loud enough to freak out the other drivers.

It’s a conundrum, indeed.

Granted I am just about to the point where I am not going to be able to stop myself and I’m just going to start screaming… and I am not 100% sure I’ll be able to stop once I start.

You know how it is, right? Maybe I could dig a hole somewhere and scream into it. I could scream into the void, but there’s never a void around when you need one.

To paraphrase a Woody Allen joke from before we suspected he was a child molesting scumbag piece of crap…

Character : I feel a void at the center of my being.
Character #2: What kind of void?
Character : Well, an empty void.