Pseudonym

Daily writing prompt
If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

Back in high school my band played at the annual Greek Festival in Lowell, MA. This would have been 1988, I think. One of the guys in the band was Greek and he set it up for us. He told us that, for appearances sake, we should all pretend to be Greek. We decided to each come up with a fake, Greek sounding last name. We then proceeded to argue over which of us got to use the name Papadopoulos. Our drummer won out. That is the only time I’ve ever even thought about using a different name.

Years later I went through a period of obsession with playing EA Sports NHL games on my Playstation 2. When the game introduced the ability to build your own players I made one with my name and put him on the Bruins. At some point I made a bunch of players for various teams (all very tall and very overweight with red hair, wearing number 71 (because I was born in 1971, get it?)) and used my first, last, middle, and confirmation names in various order to give them all unique names… because I am the king of friggin’ nerds.

I’ve never even thought about a different name. I am named after my father. That’s the only name I’d ever want to use. If I were forced to use a different name? How about Luke Skywalker? That’s a good name. How about James Eric Beck (as in Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, and Jeff Beck, get it?). How about Alex Neil Lee (as in Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart, Geddy Lee, get it?). How about Robert Papadopoulos? I bet that name would get me a gig someday.

Chocolatey Goodness

Daily writing prompt
Describe your dream chocolate bar.

Like all food related questions this one has two answers. One from before weight loss surgery and one from after.

Before the surgery I weighed 450 pounds. It shouldn’t take any difficult math to prove that chocolate was a huge part of my life. My love for chocolate was deep and passionate and a little weird. I just loved me some chocolate. I am also a very picky eater so I can’t say I devoured all chocolate bars, but I did eat massive quantities of those that I liked… and there were a lot of them.

Snickers, Milky Way, Nestle Crunch, 100 Grand, Fast Break, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, plain old ordinary Hershey Bars, and many, many more. I could eat them by the truck load and I had the waist line to prove it.

Post surgery things are different. My gutted, rewired digestive tract can no longer process more than the smallest amount of sugar. That means my chocolate bar devouring days are pretty much over.

Or are they?

I thought so when I agreed to the surgery, but since then I have found a lot of sugar free chocolate options. There are all sorts of no-sugar protein bars that I eat happily. Atkins makes some, Quest makes some, there are a couple of others as well. That’s cool. Possibly even sanity or (dare I say it) life savingly cool. Did you know, however, that both Hershey and Reeces make sugar free bite sized candy? Oh yes they do, and Robbie has made very good use of them. Oh yes, he has. If I had to pick one as a favorite it would probably be the plain old sugar free Hershey Bites, but the Reeces Peanut Butter Cup Bites are pretty amazing too. Do they taste like the real thing? Maybe. Is it close enough to not matter if they really don’t. Yup. Close enough for me at least.

So there you have it. Before surgery I ate chocolate like my life depended on it. Since? I still dig mme some sugar free chocolate. Life is good.

Again? Already?

Daily writing prompt
Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?

They aren’t even trying anymore.

You want my answer to today’s question? Read yesterday’s answer. Same thing. Two days in a row of pandering to the religious right by asking a question that will fish for the bible as a response. Yippee.

Alas, Babylon
Hot Rod
1984
Brave New World

See a trend? I do too. Both in my answer and in the question. I wonder how they will fish for the bible tomorrow. Someone at Jetpack or WordPress.com must be trying to rig a bet or something.

Books

Daily writing prompt
List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

This question is pandering to the religious folks, right? 95% of the responses are going to be the bible. I know it. You know it. We all know it. Insert my frustrated sigh here.

Three books… I don’t know if I can narrow it down to three. They’ve all had an effect on me to some extent or another, even the crappy books.

Okay, the first one we’ll go with came from my school days. Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank. I was born in the 1970’s and came of age in the 1980’s. The cold war had a big influence on who I was. I don’t think all of my friends were obsessed with imminent nuclear annihilation, but I sure as hell was. We lived close enough to a major city and, more frighteningly, a couple of air force bases and one army base that the chances of me and my family surviving a nuclear conflict was pretty much zero. When you’re 13 years old and have a vivid imagination and a bit of a dark side… well… that leads to quite a bit of near panicked fear. Alas, Babylon was written in 1959 and it tells the story of a town in Florida trying to survive the aftermath of world war iii. I was both terrified and fascinated by it. I forget what grade we were in when we had to read it for English class but I loved the book and didn’t sleep for weeks after I read it. I knew that the situation described in the book were not accurate by 1980’s nuclear capabilities (the bombs described in the book were wimpy by comparison) and it ignored the whole nuclear winter thing. Still, it made me want to read more post-nuclear fiction in some weird attempt to prepare myself for the inevitable.

On to book number two. This one also goes back to my school days. 8th grade, if I remember correctly, but it could be earlier than that. Hot Rod by Henry Gregor Felsen. This one hit me hard because there is an extremely graphic and violent twist in it. It was bloody and gory and I couldn’t believe we were asked to read it in school. At that point in my young, innocent, sheltered life I was not allowed to watch R rated movies. This type of violence was not something I was used to. The book was written in 1950 and was about teenagers driving souped up cars way too fast. You can probably guess what the graphic, violent twist entailed. This book clued me into the idea that a novel didn’t have to be PG rated. There was more to life than that, and books could give me a glimpse.

The third book I am going to go with is Weaveworld by Clive Barker. In my last year in high school I was exposed to the horror genre through a movie written and directed by Clive Barker called Hellraiser. It scared the every loving shit out of me. I was terrified, I was grossed out, and I was instantly obsessed with the genre. When I found out that Clive Barker was better known for writing short stories and novels I checked him out. I can’t remember if Weaveworld was the first of his books that I read. It might have been The Damnation Game, or one of the Books of Blood collection. I’m going with Weaveworld because it was the best of them all, by far. My new horror movie fandom morphed into a horror fiction fandom almost instantly. I tore through everything Barker had written up to that point. Weaveworld is amazing. It’s not really scary, though there’s some gore to be found. It’s actually more of a fantasy novel, I think. Really… it’s just a Barker novel. It’s a little of everything thrown into one super imaginative setting that no one else could have ever come up with. It’s very hard to explain. There’s one other item of note here. When I ran out of Barker books to read I needed to find someone else to hold me over until more books were released. That’s when I started dipping my toes into Stephen King. Yeah… we’re still drowning in that particular literary pool today. Talk about a master, right?

Okay, there’s three books. I could have mentioned 1000 others, and none of them are about a guy who is his own father.

Fear

Daily writing prompt
What fears have you overcome and how?

I’ll give you one. It’s silly and I share it with a little sarcastic flare, but for teenaged me back in the 80’s this was a big deal. I mean, the biggest deal.

When I was a kid I was pretty much terrified of girls. Specifically, I was terrified of talking to girls. The fear paralyzed me. When I needed to do it for whatever reason, school projects or dealing with a female check out clerk at a store or a waitress or something like that, I could manage but the fear would just ruin me.

I don’t know what I did to get over it. How did I overcome this fear? No clue. I did it though, and I am really thankful as without overcoming this fear I would not have just celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary. It’s kind of a big deal, you know?

One Thing

Daily writing prompt
Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.

One simple thing. Not some complicated thing like writing a song or fixing a customer’s programming issue or cooking dinner for my wife and our kids. No, something simple. Something small scale.

I’ve got one. A good one.

Somewhere along the line my wife and I got into a routine that had her falling asleep before me. We’d go to bed at the same time (put your dirty minds away, we’re not talking about any funny business here) but due to my weight problems and my massive sleep apnea problem I had a tendency to snore at an absurd volume. If I fell asleep first, Jen would be awake all night. The solution was to have me sit up in bed to let her fall asleep first. I don’t have the weight problem anymore (thanks, gastric bypass surgery) and I don’t seem to have the sleep apnea problem anymore (thanks again, gastric bypass) and while I do snore some, I don’t roar like I used to or do it as often. I still sit up in bed and let her go to sleep first. This is not the simple thing that brings joy to my life though.

There was one additional thing in our nightly bed time routine. While Jen was laying down trying to sleep and I was sitting up reading or surfing the net or watching a TV show on my iPad or laptop, I would rub her back. Thats the thing. That’s the simple thing that brings joy to my life. I just rub my bride’s back every night while she drifts off to sleep. It’s not that big a deal, but we’re both pleased it happens. Sometimes I’ll be doing something on my computer and won’t have a free hand and I get annoyed at myself for being distracted. She asks me to do it every night, sometimes while I’m already doing it. It’s just a thing we do at night and it’s just nice. It makes me happy. Sometimes I keep rubbing her back for a long time after she’s fallen asleep. Sometimes I’ll stop when she’s asleep and then after a while just start again for no reason. It’s just something we do.

Shut Down

Daily writing prompt
How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

Is there ever a time to unplug? We’re a plugged in species these days. It’s tough to give that up, even for a few minutes.

I don’t know how I know that I need to cool off from the universe, but somehow I usually do. I know when it’s time to stop stressing and start flaking out. How do I know? If I knew, I’d tell you. It’s some invisible sixth sense kind of thing that maybe only computer programmers have.

What do I do to make it happen? Headphones. Music. A TV show on my laptop. Something distracting. Just take some time to recharge for a little while, then get back at it. Back at that thing we call life in the 21st century.

Or some bullshit like that.

Quality

Daily writing prompt
What quality do you value most in a friend?

I’ve never really thought about this before.

I’ve always had a hard time making friends, but when I do make a friend it’s a friend for life. At 53 years old, my two best friends (apart from my wife) are people I knew when we were in elementary school. Our friendships date back to the 1980’s if you can believe that.

I suppose one quality I value is the ability to tolerate what a putz I can be at times. That’s important. A love of music helps, especially if it’s to the point of obsession.

When I stop and really think it through though, the quality I value the most is a sick and twisted, sarcastic sense of humor. Being able to laugh at things goes a long way in my weird-o book.

Work History

Daily writing prompt
What jobs have you had?

I’ve had a ton of jobs. All but one being crappy, menial, grunt work. All but two, maybe. Maybe three. I don’t know. I’ve had so many there is no way I’ll remember them all while writing this.

  • I was on the clean up crew for an organization that ran a weekly BINGO game. I was 14 when I started and by the time I was 18 (I think) I was in charge of it
  • I worked part time as a groundkeeper/janitor while I was in high school
  • I was a loader at the UPS Northern New England Hub
  • I worked for Northeast Broadcasting School supervising student access to the audio recording facility
  • I worked at a sporting goods retail chain’s warehouse as the guy who processed all of the non-clothing item returns
  • I had a bunch of temp jobs including working for a moving company and a pet supply mail order chain as an order picker/packer
  • I worked as a long term temp in the shipping and receiving office of a company that sold medical devices. Anesthesia delivery units, to be precise. I was there three summers in a row and the last summer I was in charge of the department.
  • I worked for a lab in the computer science department of UMass Lowell. My “job” was to put on a talk show on the campus radio station, WULM 91.5 FM. The rest of the time my “job” was to have a place to do my home work.
  • My first job out of college (the last time) was a programmer/analyst for a software company that makes systems used by hospitals. Nine years later I was promoted to supervisor. In two months I’ll have my 20th anniversary with the company

That’s the gist of it. I’m sure I forgot a few things along the way. I was a janitor more than once, but I am not going back in to edit the list now. I hope you are fascinated by my endless string of less-than employment.

Emphatic

Daily writing prompt
Do you practice religion?

Spoiler: This is going to piss a lot of people off. I am not sorry.

The answer is no. Emphatically no. I don’t believe in fairy tales, never mind worship them. I’ve made that pretty clear about 1,000,000 times in the past. The answer here is as no as a no can get.

No.

Negative.

Not even a little bit.

Never again.

Never, ever.

That is the final word from me on this subject. I don’t care what anyone else thinks or believes.