I answered one of these daily prompts not long ago with a definition of imposter syndrome. That response works for today’s question as well. When was the first time I felt like a grown up? Let me answer with another question, have I ever felt like a grown up? Let me answer that one with yet another question, what does it feel like to feel like a grown up?
Who the hell knows.
I was a 26 year old college drop out working for peanuts in a warehouse. I made the decision to get my shit together and go back to school and get a degree so that I could get a real job and have a real career. It took seven years to achieve that goal, but I did it. Was the moment when I decided to get my life straight the first moment of grown up behavior? It might have been.
Could it have been the moment when I asked Jen to marry me? Could it have been the moment I spoke those marriage vows and became Jen’s husband and Harry and Bellana’s step father? Likely.
Should I look at this more abstractly? Is the difference between adult behavior and childish behavior accepting the fact that you cannot be in control of everything? If so then it would probably be the horrible night when we learned of Harry’s diabetes. We were in the ER at Boston Medical Center and we had to sit there helpless while he was in diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) and the doctor was basically spelling out the numerous things that were trying to take his life, and she could not assure us that we weren’t going to lose him. You may think you know what terror feels like, but unless you’ve been through something like that you probably have no idea. We were utterly and completely helpless. Was that the first time I felt like a grown up? Scared out of my skull? It might have been.
I think the real answer to this question is that there was no defining moment. There was no specific instance where I realized I was a grown up. Instead it was a gradual process that took ages to complete and really just sort of… you know… happened. Maybe that’s what growing up is? Things just sort of happening?
Deep, man. Deep.
Inside the Red Head's Head 