I do not see myself as a leader. Not even a little bit.
The rest of the world however, has shown me evidence that maybe they do see me as a leader. I don’t get it, but there are signs of it.
I think I was 12 years old and I was a Boy Scout. We were at our week long summer camp and our scoutmaster for some reason decided to split one of our troop’s patrol groups into two. I was moved to the new group. We had to elect a patrol leader and an assistant patrol leader. There was one kid in the group who was older than the rest of us and he was the unanimous pick for leader. Weirdly, I was the pick for assistant. Why? I had no idea. Shortly after that summer camp ended the older guy/leader left and I became the patrol leader and I held that spot for a year or so until I left as well. Years later one of the guys who voted for me told me that everyone picked me as assistant because I was the one they all thought could handle it. Huh? I was clueless.
Decades later I was promoted to supervisor at work. The current supervisor was moving to a new group and I had been there the longest and had expressed some interest in moving up the ladder so they promoted me. 10 years or so later I am still a supervisor and everyone, both staff and higher management, keeps telling me I do a good job. I don’t really see it. I have a serious case of imposter syndrome on most days. I keep getting good performance reviews, and I keep getting positive feedback from my group, and… well… no one’s fired me yet. Maybe I am actually doing a decent job leading my group. Hard to believe, but maybe it’s true.
The question though is do I see myself as a leader, and the answer is an emphatic nope. Sorry, Charlie. That’s just the way it is.
Inside the Red Head's Head 