Okay, here’s the dish, along with lots of back story that you’ll find boring and will probably make you stop reading before you get to the actual weird.
Back story #1 – The wood stove.
When we were kids, my parents had a wood/coal stove installed into the cellar. It was setup for wood at first, and it cut down on our energy bills quite a bit. Years later we switched to coal because it was easier to acquire and store. I’m not sure if it made any difference to the budget or not. They stopped using it completely many years ago so it’s just sitting there. Once we opened it up in the late fall to clean it before using it for the cold months and found a dead squirrel inside. It had fallen down the chimney, wiggled its way through the pipes and into the stove and died. It was gross. At the time it was sad, but now that I’ve come to hate squirrels (they steal bird seed from my feeders) I’m kinda happy about it. Suck it, squirrels.
As part of the initial installation of the stove we had a vent put into the basement ceiling/living room floor with a fan that would help blow the warm air from the stove up to the living room. It worked great, and to a kid it gave me a cool new thing to use while playing with Star Wars toys. I basically had a real world Sarlacc pit in my living room floor.
Fast forward to 2020, the vent is still in the floor. The fan hasn’t been turned on in decades, and the actual metal vent that covers the fan is pretty much bashed to hell. It’s got to go.
Back story #2 – The bulkhead.
This one will be much, much shorter. We have a bulkhead door in the cellar. It leads to the back yard. There’s an inside door, then a bunch of concrete steps that lead up to an outside door. Simple, right?
The actual story – That wascally wabbit.
My brother in law, Ken has decided that today is the day that the hole in the living room floor gets covered. He brought a bunch of tools into the house through the bulkhead. He opened both doors, took a load of stuff in from his car, went back outside to get another load and…
A rabbit ran into the house.
No, really. A friggin brown little rodent bunny rabbit hopped on down the bulkhead stairs into the cellar. Once there it likely got really confused and found itself a really good hiding place and hunkered down, apparently waiting for more bunnies to come and rescue it, because that’s probably how it would work in a Disney cartoon, right?
That was about 9:00am. It’s now coming up on 2:00pm and that little shit is still there. How the hell are we going to get it out? One of those box leaning on a stick with a carrot underneath rabbit traps that they use in cartoons? Does those even work? Do we leave a trail of carrot chunks leading from the cellar up the bulkhead stairs and out the door in the hopes of enticing him to follow the path? It’s a little bunny, what if the stairs are too steep?
What the ever loving fuck? Isn’t there enough shit going on in my parents’ lives right now?
A bunny rabbit.
I shit you not.
A bunny friggin’ rabbit.