Sometimes I Kinda Hate Myself

Why do I do this to myself?

It’s the new year.  It’s January.  It’s 2020.  It’s resolutions and new year new me and all that crap.  It’s time.  Specifically it’s time to start losing weight again.

Last night I had a kinda crappy night sleep and that night followed a couple of other crappy nights sleep.  I went to bed real early, like 9:30, before anyone else.  I woke up for a little while when Jen came to bed.  I woke up again a little after midnight.  My CPAP machine was kinda noisy and it was bugging me.  I was hearing some gurgling sounds coming from where the hose attaches to the mask.  I took the whole thing apart and cleaned everything in the hopes that that would fix it.  It did for a little while.  Around 3:00 AM Jen woke me up to tell me that the noise the mask was making was keeping her awake.  Well, that does it.

The recommendation for my machine is to replace the mask every three months.  The hose should be replaced every 3-6 months.  I had new parts shipped to me in October, I think, but I made the decision to hold off on replacements for as long as the parts would let me.  Last night was the night.  At 3:00 AM I was digging through my closet trying to find the box that the new parts shipped in.  Jen had fallen back to sleep so I was trying to open all the packaging without waking her up.  Eventually I had it all put together and it ran as quiet as it gets and I went back to sleep.

None of that is why I kinda hate myself today.  That comes next.

Today is my telecommute day so I didn’t have to get ready right away so I went out early to salt up the driveway so no one slips (world record for use of the word “so” in a sentece?).  Jen and Harry were scheduled to leave at about the same time.  Bellana is off today but she needed to get up early and move her car out of the way so the other two could get out.  Once Jen and Harry were gone Bellana went back to sleep and I was up for the day.  I was already feeling wiped out so I decided to sneak off to the grocery store to pick up a couple of six packs of soda.  Diet soda, because I never fell off that wagon in 2019 even though I fell off every other weight loss wagon.

So it’s 7:00 AM and Market Basket has just opened and I’m one of the handful of customers.  I grabbed some Diet Pepsi and I was trying to remember if I needed eggs or not.  Weight loss, hard boiled eggs for breakfast.  That’s a thing that works for me.  I got to the eggs and figured I didn’t need any.  I still had a few from last week’s batch and I was pretty sure we had another dozen that I could make up this weekend.  Nice.  Right next to the eggs was a small display of pudding.  Yeah, grab me a big tub of chocolate pudding.  I get home, popped on a Bojack Horseman and dig into that pudding and then I remembered what day it was.

Sonofabitch….

You know, dumb ass.  Chocolate pudding for friggin’ breakfast isn’t very conducive to losing weight.  Dumb ass.  Moron.  What an asshole.

Sometimes I kinda hate myself.  Happy effin’ New Year.

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