I told you all not to bet based on my picks. I always say that. If you go back and look at all the times I’ve played this prediction game in the past, I am usually near 50% correct. Generally I’m a little better than 50%, but not much better.
So what the hell happened here?
This is the worst set of predictions I’ve ever made. I can’t even imagine how bad a job I did. It was a slaughter. Why should I even bother carrying on to the second round?
Here’s the damage:
In the East…
Tampa Bay vs Columbus: In my defense, everyone on Earth picked the Lightning. So I am not alone in my shock here. Losing to Columbus is one thing, but getting swept? The best regular season team in decades was swept in the first round? I mean… really? I picked Tampa Bay and I was wrong, wrong, wrong.
Boston vs Toronto: Let’s be honest. Even if the Bruins were matched up with the 1984 Oilers (or the 1988 Oilers? Ouch, too soon) I was going to pick the Bruins. Fortunately they are the only team that rewarded me for my pick. It was a long, difficult series, but I picked the Bruins and the Bruins won.
Washington vs Carolina: I wanted to pick Carolina, but I didn’t. I should have because they totally pulled it off. An overtime win in game seven. Who woulda thunk? I picked Washington and I was wrong.
Islanders vs Pittsburgh: I picked the Penguins because I thought they could upset the better team. Also, Penguins are my wife’s favorite animal. Really. That’s one of the reasons I picked them. I’m not gonna lie. The Islanders did what they should have done and won the series. I was wrong. Again.
How about the West? Spoiler: I got the whole conference wrong.
Nashville vs Dallas: Dallas? Really? I picked the Preds and I was wrong.
Winnipeg vs St Louis: I even mentioned that lots of people were picking the Blues to spoil. I should have listened. I picked the Jets and I was wrong.
Calgary vs Colorado: Ladies and Gentlemen, I was actually thinking that Calgary was going to play for the Cup. Wrong! I picked the Flames and I was wrong.
San Jose vs Vegas: I hear there was some controversy in the last game? No comment. I said that you should never pick the Sharks and the Sharks threw it back in my face and proved me wrong. Damn it.
So let’s sum up. Out of eight series, how many did I get right? One. ONE! One right and seven wrong. Sweet Christmas, what a disaster! Granted, it’s worth being wrong seven times when the one I get right is Boston.
So should I bother trying to predict the second round?
Of course I should. This is all meaningless bullshit. Who cares if I get it all wrong? Not me!
In the East…
Boston Bruins vs Columbus Blue Jackets:
Remember what I said before about the Bruins? I don’t care if Jesus Christ road into Columbus on a motor scooter and announced to the press that he was going to give the series to Columbus, I would still pick the Bruins. It should be realistic to say Bruins in five, but after the first round? Who the hell knows. Still, I’m picking my Bruins.
New York Islanders vs Carolina Hurricanes:
I mean… how the hell do I know? The Whale just beat Washington, how can I pick against that? It’s New York vs the Whalers, like… two things that I hate more than pretty much all others (The Montreal Canadiens excluded). Ummm… I’m picking the Whale to upset. Carolina will win.
On to the West where I proved how clueless I am and will do no better this time…
St Louis Blues vs Dallas Stars:
I am going to pick St Louis. I really don’t know why. They both beat teams that I thought were probably better than them in the first round, though what do I know. I’m picking the Blues and hopefully it goes seven.
San Jose Sharks vs Colorado Avalanche:
Never pick the Sharks. Just don’t do it. The Avs beat the team I wanted to win the West so now they are the team I want to win the West instead. I am picking the Avalanche.
So there you have it, folks. The Conference finals will be:
Boston Bruins vs Carolina Hurricanes
St Louis Blues vs Colorado Avalanche
Which pretty much guarantees the Whale, the Blues, and the Avs are toast.
Game one between the Bruins and the Blue Jackets is tonight at 7:00. I’m ready!